EXcuse me for a moment

Hopefully by the pun (bad yes, but still I love puns), of the title I posted, you will be able to see what tonight's blog topic is going to be about.  If it wasn't as obvious to you, we will be discussing EXES!  That's right, we all have them, they are inevitably unavoidable.  Let's face it, even in the sand box you were staking claim as to who you would be sharing your milk money with that day and let's not even get into the way it is today in elementary school society.  Nonetheless, if you are unmarried and over the age of 5, chances are you come with a little bit of baggage.  How that baggage effects your relationship is entirely dependent on how you choose to unpack that suitcase.  I bring this topic up because tonight was the first time that DH and I had a slight argument about an ex girlfriend of his.  It got me thinking a little bit about how one should honestly go about dealing with their exes in a relationship and because I needed to blow off a little steam and this is my outlet, here we go.

1. First of all, under no circumstance, should you enter into a new relationship if you are not over an ex yet.  How do you know if you're over them or not you ask.  Ask yourself a few questions.  Would you be devastated if you heard that they moved on before you?  If you saw them out in public, would you be able to give a casual "hi, how are you?" and walk on, or are you going to pull a Carrie Bradshaw and sleep with him the next night regardless of your relationship status and his?  Do you still cry when your "song" comes on the radio and your friend has to pry your phone from your hand and hide it for no less than 48 hours until you come to your senses?  If you answered yes to any of these questions or even hesitated at an answer other than no, you are not over your ex and you need to deal with that before you even move on to number 2 of this article.

2. I think that is is really healthy in your new relationship to discuss things that you learned from prior experiences.  Yes, I think talking about previous relationships can be a good thing. This is something that actually drives me crazy about my current darling boyfriend.  He NEVER wants to talk about previous relationships.  Mine or his.  You have to understand that there is a difference between talking about previous relationships and talking about things that you learned from those relationships.  Other relationships that didn't work out are very integral to our own self discovery.  They test us, put us through the ringer, sometimes give us some amazing experiences and that is how you learn about what you want and don't want in new partner, a life partner, the most important partner you will ever have.  Without learning what these deal breakers are from your exes, you'll never know what to look for in a partner, and well that is just going to leave you with nothing but a whole lot of break ups in the future.  Make sure to talk about them in a way that emphasizes that experience and not the person.  Rather than saying, well "(enter ex name here), was just such an asshole and never even bought me a card for my birthday," instead say "I never felt valued in previous relationships and that is something that is important to me.  It doesn't have to be all cars and jewelry, it's the little things that mean the most to me, like cards and bubble baths"! OK cheesy I know, but you get the picture.  It actually very much works negatively in your favor if you are constantly bitching about how much of an asshole your exes were.  A guy, or girl a like that you are now dating is going to start questioning your own judgement and wonder why you don't value yourself enough to get out of a what sounds like a bad relationship.  Believe me, they are not going to look at it as being honorable for staying.  And to play the devil's advocate as well, it looks equally bad when you don't share experiences on what you value in a partner and what you won't put up with.  I can speak personally here, it makes me start you wonder what is wrong with them.  If they don't want to discuss it, what did they do?  Be open, honest, and ready to share parts of you that you haven't before.  That's what being with your soul mate should feel like, and if it doesn't feel that way, then, they're not the one.

3. If you are deleting texts and call logs from your ex in your phone, then you are already crossing a line!  STOP IT NOW!  This includes changing your pass code every couple of hours because your significant other may have been looking over your shoulder when you typed it in.  C'mon now, I know every loophole out there!  That makes me way more suspicious.  If I know your pass code the odds of me going through your phone are zero to a million.  If I notice you've been changing it, let's just say, nothing is safe!

4. The baggage: Appropriate protocol
I get it, your ex was a significant part of your life and you shared memories that you don't want to forget.  We all have them, but we don't all need to see them.  No one is expecting you to destroy them.  If they are, then they are a hypocrite and who wants to date one of those?  But there are certain ways to handle the baggage in certain phases of your relationship and I'm going to save you many arguments if you follow them.

A. Single: Keep that shit anywhere you like!  If you want pictures of you on the fridge and framed love letters and old cards still on your mantle, then you are welcome to do so!

B. Dating someone but she/he hasn't been to your place yet: Time to have most of that stuff put away in a box by now.  Group pictures of mutual friends with the two of you in them are still acceptable, I get it, you look great in that picture!

C. Dating someone exclusively: Everything in your apartment should be boxed up.  The group pictures, that candle she bought you for the bathroom, anything that you could look at while you are with the person you are with, that would remind you of your ex.  Social media; as long as it is long in the past albums or feed, then for the time being, it is acceptable.  It takes time to get to every aspect of your stored memories deleted now a days and anyone that you are with should understand that.

D. Moving in together: STORE EVERYTHING!  You are now co-hapitating.  That means that anything ex related should be in a box that is not labeled, in the garage or in a crawl space (If it's labeled and in reaching range than it's fair game).  Pictures, cards, letters (that's even if you still feel the need to hold on to it at this point).  All social media sites should be purged.  Old pictures need to be deleted.  If you're storing the photo album physically than look at this as a digital photo album, because that's what it is.  If you truly cannot bare the thought of parting with those pictures, put them in a password protected folder GUYS!  Believe me, women do it, because we're smarter.  If I'm living with you, I love you, and I respect the fact that you had enough respect for me to put your past in a place that it wouldn't be staring me in the face.  Men (and women), DELETE THE NUDEY PICTURES NOW!  It's one thing to keep memories that the two of you shared; like the time you went to the grand canyon and well, that experience is phenomenal so why delete it, but for real here.  If I open your computer and see your exes vajayjay and nips, you will be sleeping on the couch for a month.  I'm sure you wouldn't want to see the penis picture of my ex that was worth saving (trust me you don't want a comparison pic anymore than we do)!

E. Married: Everything needs to be gone.  You have found "the one" and you are now going to embark on a lifelong journey of making new memories with your family.  It's time to get rid of the old ones, because this is the new moment where your life begins again.  If you are still holding on to things from your past in the ex department then I hope you have a really good lawyer on speed dial.  You'll need them soon.

5. Please be reasonable and pick your battles.  I understand how exes can bring up a lot of feelings we like to lock away and it can make us all go a little crazy sometimes.  However, always remember that an ex is an ex for a reason.  You are here with them now.  If they really wanted to be with their ex, they would be.  They are not.  They are in this moment with you and that means a lot without even having to say anything.  Respect that and think about that before you flip out about an ex.  Now if you catch them in bed with or even sexting an ex, damn, forget everything that paragraph just said girl (and guy). Go ape shit crazy and get the hell out of there!!

Hopefully this cleared up a few protocols on how to deal with the topic of the "Ex" if it ever comes up in your relationship.  If anything you most definitely helped me to vent a little bit tonight and I most definitely feel better!

My New Years Resolutions

I realize I am a almost about three weeks late but let's just say I rang in the new year in an entirely new way and have been a little preoccupied lately with the downward spiral that is my life.

I quit my job.  I moved to a new city.  I moved in with my boyfriend (Eeek)!  It has been a few weeks of nothing but change change change here in my neck of the woods!  So I needed a little bit of time to sit down and actually think about some of my new years resolutions for the year since so much has changed already.  However, as I looked back on 2013, I didn't do half of the things that I wanted to do or said I was going to do!  So this year is going to be different (I know I say that every year), but what will be different about it this year, is this list.  I have not made a new years resolution list in I don't know how long!  So this year is going to be different!

1. Continue to blog!  Start a day to day journal.  Even if nothing exciting happens, try and write in it everyday!
2. Take my vitamins and develop a better skincare routine.  I am so bad about washing my face and brushing my teeth twice a day.  I need to take better care of myself now so I don't look like I'm 50 in a year!
3. Complete my bucket list for the year (list coming soon)!
4. Find a job I love
5. Go back to school and find a career I will be passionate about
6. Stick to a workout routine.  Workout when I have time and don't stress when there is a day I truly don't have time to workout, but nonetheless, do not skip more than two days in a row!
7. Vow to visit a friend at least once a month.  Doesn't matter who or when or why, just maintain my relationships better and make sure I at least talk to those I don't see once a month.
8. Try and be less negative.  I have been a real Debbie Downer this last month.  I need to be more conscious of how my mood affects others and those that love me that are around me all the time (darling hubby).  I need to work on being more positive and happy even when my chips are down.
9. Drink more water, and drink less beer.  I've been really bad about this lately.
10. Kick my nicotine habit for good.  Yes I have been an off and on smoker for years and even when I cut back I still smoke about half a pack a week.  It's time to nix it for good.

I just generally want to have a year that I look back on and am proud of.  I need to find what I am passionate about and do what I love on a daily basis.  I've struggled with this in the past.  But I started this year by giving up things I didn't particularly love for someone I absolutely love and I'd say that's a pretty good start.

This article was posted in Glamour originally and then republished by the Huffington Post.  I thought it to be an amazing article that truly hit home a little bit since I am well on my way to approaching the big 3-0!  However, based on this list, I think I can comfortably coast into my 30's!

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Know by the Time She's 30

By 30, you should have ...

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it.

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know ...

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2. How you feel about having kids.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

15. Why they say life begins at 30

Things I've learned about being broke-ish

I have still not found a job which is causing me a high level of stress and anxiety these days.  I cannot help but think its a little bit of karma telling me I should have been pinching pennies all these years instead of spending a better part of my salary on red wine and shoes.  Good news is, those shoes are getting a lot more use since I no longer work in yoga pants, bad news is, I'm finding it difficult to put on pants everyday!  Yes this girl has 99 problems but sweatpants aren't one!  So I'm finding myself trying to not only pinch pennies but hoping if I rub the pennies hard enough a genie will pop out or something.

In case that you find yourself unemployed and not wanting to spend money, you have to find entertainment elsewhere and be creative about your spending or lack there of.

I have successfully managed to put together 5+ outfits for each staple piece of clothes in my closet.  I found new ways to dress things up, try outfits with a different pair of shoes, or just by adding a blazer over my favorite summer tank!  To be honest, I just wanted to put on a pair of pants.  Any pants, just a pair of pants.

If you close the bathroom door while taking a shower and turn the water up really hot, it sort of feels like a sauna.  And the best part is, you don't have to share it with people who awkwardly forget to wear their towel.  And you want to be real daring, turn on the shower and do some yoga in your bathroom!  It's like my own personal private hot yoga studio.

Speaking of fitness, since I have just moved here and have not found a gym yet I have resorted back to doing my p90x and Taebo fitness DVD's in lieu of my typical gym workout.  My ten pound dumbells may not be as efficient as the typical ones I lift, but hey, if I'm going to be broke, I mine as well be skinny!

You can successfully spend an entire day watching nothing but reality television.  When you have no drama in your life, well, when you really have nothing in your life, it's actually pretty fun to watch.  I am completely caught up with the Kardashians.  I wish I could list that as a skill on my resume.

If all else fails, always turn to social media.  If your facebook is anything like my own, you can easily find a few good people who you went to high school with that will always make you feel better about your life.  You could be unemployed with three baby daddies who don't pay child support.  Remember, it could always be worse!

Happy Christmas Eve eve in my new home!

So the darling hubby has gone out to visit with some of the "boys" while they are home for Christmas, which is just fine by me.  I am enjoying a Christmas ale, relaxing in the ambiance of our beautiful tree and watching reality shows!  

It's hard to believe that this is my new home now!  I only have one more trip planned to Columbus to get the rest of my belongings:(. The suitcase is officially unpacked for good and the shoes have found a home in my new closet.  Cheers to new beginnings and merry christmas!  I'm hoping there is something shiny under that tree for me this year!

You're fancy huh?

Having a fancy night!  Drinking the expensive wine (10.99 gas station bottle vs the 3.99 grocery store cheapo).  Bread with olive oil and spices because I'm out of butter!  Can't help but feel awesome right now!  What has my life come too? Lol. Oh and I've busted out the plastic wine glasses because all my nice ones are packed away!  That's just the icing on the cake!

How many boxes does it take?

The clock has starting ticking and the official two week countdown until the big move has begun.  It's getting a little frustrating trying to pack while still spending time in two different homes and on top of that trying to find a job.  I have not at all been myself lately.  I have not been going to the gym and I have so much to do that I just get overwhelmed and find myself doing nothing instead.  I'm ready for my life to be in one place and just have things settled down again and get back to my usual routine.

I'm beginning to get really nervous about entering the world of the unemployed.  I have decided to give up my career of elite coaching and to go back to school and try and find administration work in the mean time to help pay the bills.  It seems to be quite competitive these days and people want people with direct experience in the business.  I've never not been employed.  I have always had opportunities open before I have left previous positions and this is the first time that it isn't happening that way.  Even though the darling hubby is completely supportive, it starts to get more annoying than anything the more he keeps saying that it "will all be okay".  Of course for him it is okay.  He isn't the one moving to a new city, quitting his job, giving up his apartment and essentially the life he created for himself.

I had a bit of a breakdown the other day and gave myself a solid ten minutes to feel sorry for myself before I snapped out of it.  I had always told myself that I would not make decisions this big based on love and love alone again.  I would want a solid commitment before I made such a drastic life change.  Though he has never even thought of living with a girlfriend, which means this is a big commitment to him, from someone, like myself, who has lived with a boyfriend before I feel that it's not as big of a commitment as he thinks it is.  It's easy to separate when you simply play house.  At one point I had contemplated if getting married was even the right choice for me and my life because I really had questioned the idea of monogamy but now my feelings have changed.

At one time in my life I wanted the big penthouse.  To live in the city and have an exciting fast paced job and now I'm beginning to want to give up the penthouse for playpens.  However, I haven't been preparing for that life.  I have spent a lot of time in my twenties being a completely selfish.  Dating random men who I knew wouldn't be the one, living on my own and collecting my memories, going out on Tuesday nights and not taking life very seriously.

Now here I am, still wanting to finish school and start a career and begin a family with this man.  I finally found someone worth settling down for and here I feel like I'm not worth settling down with.  I should have figured that one day my clock might start ticking and I should have been more prepared.  Goals change as you change and I realize that sometimes there is no timeline but your own.  I have never been more scared and yet more motivated to begin a new part of my life.

So I'm throwing this out into the Universe.  I have finally met prince charming, now please provide me with employment or I'm ONLY going to be able to afford the picket fence!

Alright done venting for now!  Back to packing!