Silence

I realize it has been a few weeks since I have written. I find myself consumed with nothing but tasks that I have to complete, deadlines I need to meet and an overwhelming sense of desire to bury my head in the sand again and ignore the trials and tribulations of life. However, I am now an adult and remind myself everyday that this is not an option and somehow I find enough strength in my coffee grounds to keep going at a pace of an olympic sprinter. The homework keeps piling up, time keeps slipping past and it seems that even with no sleep, there is simply only one of me and that is not enough to maintain this pace for much longer.

I came home last night from a twelve hour day of work, filming a reality t.v show for m.t.v and when I walked in the door to silence, I broke down. I have not had silence for so long. I have not simply been able to sit in the stillness of a dimly lit room alone with my thoughts in months and it was the most joyous feeling, I couldn't help but just cry. I was able to separate myself from the whirlwind of thoughts and things to do in my mind and just be with myself, alone and I was able to crawl into my bed, alone and sleep. Just sleep and wake up feeling refreshed and rejuvinated with the knowledge that God would not give me anything that I cannot handle. He is placing all of this on my plate as a true test of character. A test of my ability to prioritize, not procrastinate and to help me along my journey in self discovery. It is in this hardship that I am figuring out the most about myself and the most about what I need without even having to put it in the forefront of my mind. Subconsciously I am realizing what path I want to take in my life. I may be at a crossroads right now, but I am at least able to read the sign at this fork in the road and I have faith that I will soon have courage to joyously skip down the path I choose instead of run scared down a self destructive path.

I have to prioritize now and begin studying for an exam. Hopefully I will have enough solitude in my evening to write again later.