Addiction Diaries

So I am attempting, successfully surprisingly, to quit smoking. I have not been a non-smoker in years and in some very sad and disturbing way, it was one quality about me that actually made me who I am. Throughout high school and struggling through identity crisis' and deeply searching your soul for answers, I was a smoker. It defined me. I smoked. I know it sounds horrible and I know how bad it is for your health and I've read all the studies, but it was something that I did everyday. It was one thing in my life that I was always committed to and it committed to me. Mr. Marlboro was there for me in the car on my long hours of road tripping. He was there through the many bar stool sorrow sob stories and tequila shots. Mr. Marlboro was there for me even after a workout, because running a mile cancelled out the effects of at least two cigarettes right?

So now here I am, struggling with my identity a little bit now because I have recently redefined myself as a non-smoker. And since I am making such healthy choices for my life, I have decided to try and quit a slew of other addictions that often times occupy my mind, my lifestyle and my time. For instance, tequila. I love tequila. Everyone knows I love tequila. Everyone loves me on tequila. But I am going to quit drinking tequila. Even though it has created some very fond memories, lately I often find myself rubbing my head with one eye open in the morning grunting "fuck my life" over and over when I drink tequila. So I am not going to have anymore tequila.

Since I was giving up cigarettes and tequila, I decided to try and give up another vice of mine: sugar. Sugar and I have a very intimate relationship. I eat it everyday. I even eat chocolate for breakfast with the excuse that it helps make me thirsty so I start my day off right with two glasses of water. So today is going to be my last day of eating sugar, for a while, giving up sugar completely for a lifetime is a goal even I know is unattainable.

And while I was on this path of self discovery and health, I have decided to give up my addiction of model-Esq males. Yes, I admit, I am shallow. I date only for appearance at times and it never ends well, in fact I can even tell you how it will end before I even go out on a date with them (if there is a date). Because let me tell you, these pretty boys only care about themselves, so if they can drag themselves out of their state of narcissism long enough to ask what YOU might want to do, then you might get a date. If not (and usually not) you (I) get a blue eyed snake who spits venom in the form of sex appeal and I go numb every time. Well not anymore. I am going to date outside of the box, when the situation arises and I am going to run far away from these modern day Casanovas and never look back.

They have done studies that says it takes six months to develop a habit and it takes a lifetime to break one. I realized while I was in the hospital that I needed to make a drastic change in my life. A change for the good, and this was something that I was terrified to do because it is different. I was the tequila shooting, womanizer dating, red smoking beautiful disaster. But this is not how I want to be viewed when I do meet people. I want to be interesting. I want to be fit and healthy. This is going to be a struggle everyday and I will keep you updated in the blog on my addiction diaries. I am excited to turn over a new leaf!