Oh Hump Day!!

It is a Wednesday morning. Hump day. The most depressing day of the week they say. There are still three full work days ahead yet the weekend is lingering ever so close enough for you to almost smell the freedom. I find myself being extra contemplative on Wednesdays. Maybe it's because Monday and Tuesday are typically such a whirlwind that by Wednesday I finally have time to take a breath and reflect on the weekend, on the two work days completed and in the past and I can plan out the remainder of the week.

Today I am contemplating about change. Why are we so resistant to it? To something new? Something different and out of our comfort zone. I woke up at 6:25 before my alarm went off because I dreamt about work. About how to be a more organized person, a go getter. My plan was to wake up that early, shower and head into the college to try and schedule for fall classes. As I am driving, nervously, worried about navigating through downtown on a busy depressing Wednesday, I hear on the radio how backed up traffic is and I suddenly found myself in a panic. Here I am, driving on an unknown path to an unknown location, no money in my pocket for parking and it was the first time I realized that my small town life of the past was about to directly collide with my desire to have a fast paced city lifestyle.

I turned around. I was lost. In a literal sense but also figuratively speaking. I don't think I am ready. Am I ready to leave the comfort of knowing where my car was driving me too each morning, I knew which parking lot provided the easiest access to which building and now I would be leaving that to wonder around a big city alone without help, helpless. I have taken many steps this year that have stretched me far beyond my comfort zone. I moved to a city where I didn't know anyone. I relocated for a job that is not recession proof and as valuable as I am to that company it is a business that could shut it's doors on any day (she has been in business 28 years so I don't see this happening but still). I tried online dating, which though proved to be unsuccessful in finding a soulmate, I tried it. I put myself out there and opened myself up to new experiences.

Funny, as I am sitting in Starbucks, my Starbucks, the one I am comfortable in, the song playing is singing the melody "I don't want to take this trip alone." How iconic. Because that is what I am doing right now; I am left to take these trips alone. Perhaps this is where preparation and life need to come together more harmoniously.

So what is the next step at this point? Hashing it out here I have decided that I am still going to navigate myself into the college this morning; but I am going to do so at my pace and I am going to wait a semester to attend school. Get some affairs in order and feel better about life. Because if there is anything I have learned in my experience it is that when you are rushing to fit stuff into your life that is when you irrationally make mistakes that put you farther behind then if you would have just given yourself more time. Besides, I am in no rush. I am comfortable in my life at the moment. I have a book deal to work out and I have weight to shed and I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. I need to catch up on life. On my life. On the things I love and enjoy. I need to keep reminding myself that it is not how long it takes you to arrive to your destination, it is how you enjoyed the road to get there. You are never lost, you are simply taking the scenic route!