New new new!

I need another job. Not because I need more money. Not because I cannot make my rent or my car payment but because I am simply selfish. I want to buy more clothing and feed my ever need to shop shop shop until I drop. I cannot help that I have an insatiable appetite for things I do not need in all aspects of my life. I cannot wait until I can one day afford many things I do not need such as alice and olivia dresses, prada bags and marc jacobs aviators. Life has simply become stale at the moment. I am stuck in a rut and am not sure which direction to go to dig myself out of it. I am lonely but do not particularly feel like dating. I am overweight but do not particularly feel like busting my ass for hours a day at the gym. I am unmotivated but don't even know which direction to begin to motivate myself to forward any career I potentially have in mind for myself. Perhaps it is because I have become such a planner. I am anticipating life in the future and know what is in store is loan re-payments, car payments, house mortgages and endless fertility treatments to bear children that I may not particularly even want at the time. So maybe my being un-motivated is my way of just taking a breather. I am enjoying being broke, dreaming of fancy things. Coming home to a sink full of dishes. Going to the gym early in the morning because who am I kidding, I want that body. Because I know I need to get right with myself before I can begin getting right with anyone else.

So here and now I am making a pact with myself. The purpose of me buying new clothes is because mine don't fit right now. Well this body that I am in is not my body nor the body that I want. So I am not going to buy any new clothes until I lost at least the weight that I have put on. Not only will I have more of a wardrobe selection but then I won't waste money on buying fat pants when I don't plan on being fat.

I am also going to give up men. As my best friend said to me last night..."Michele, boys and shopping are not hobbies." She is right. They are simply something to pre-occupy my time. Well I can find a lot more valuable things to occupy my time. Like my singles' list and becoming a gym junkie. Because that is what I am going to do; become a gym junkie. Stop donating to the gym and use that money I spend every month. Get my body back, look amazing, have more clothes and thus more men! Brilliant. It's no wonder skinny girls have so much fun. But my goal is not to be skinny, it is to be fit. Madonna arms without the veins, Carrie underwood legs in the cut off jeans and Ciara's stomach fit with the slight indintation of the "v" I admire so much on the opposite sex.

Since I am taking a semester off of school and just working, really what else do I have to do. This will be my project semester. Get right with myself September, October, November, December. I am excited for where this new path may eventually leave.