EXcuse me for a moment

Hopefully by the pun (bad yes, but still I love puns), of the title I posted, you will be able to see what tonight's blog topic is going to be about.  If it wasn't as obvious to you, we will be discussing EXES!  That's right, we all have them, they are inevitably unavoidable.  Let's face it, even in the sand box you were staking claim as to who you would be sharing your milk money with that day and let's not even get into the way it is today in elementary school society.  Nonetheless, if you are unmarried and over the age of 5, chances are you come with a little bit of baggage.  How that baggage effects your relationship is entirely dependent on how you choose to unpack that suitcase.  I bring this topic up because tonight was the first time that DH and I had a slight argument about an ex girlfriend of his.  It got me thinking a little bit about how one should honestly go about dealing with their exes in a relationship and because I needed to blow off a little steam and this is my outlet, here we go.

1. First of all, under no circumstance, should you enter into a new relationship if you are not over an ex yet.  How do you know if you're over them or not you ask.  Ask yourself a few questions.  Would you be devastated if you heard that they moved on before you?  If you saw them out in public, would you be able to give a casual "hi, how are you?" and walk on, or are you going to pull a Carrie Bradshaw and sleep with him the next night regardless of your relationship status and his?  Do you still cry when your "song" comes on the radio and your friend has to pry your phone from your hand and hide it for no less than 48 hours until you come to your senses?  If you answered yes to any of these questions or even hesitated at an answer other than no, you are not over your ex and you need to deal with that before you even move on to number 2 of this article.

2. I think that is is really healthy in your new relationship to discuss things that you learned from prior experiences.  Yes, I think talking about previous relationships can be a good thing. This is something that actually drives me crazy about my current darling boyfriend.  He NEVER wants to talk about previous relationships.  Mine or his.  You have to understand that there is a difference between talking about previous relationships and talking about things that you learned from those relationships.  Other relationships that didn't work out are very integral to our own self discovery.  They test us, put us through the ringer, sometimes give us some amazing experiences and that is how you learn about what you want and don't want in new partner, a life partner, the most important partner you will ever have.  Without learning what these deal breakers are from your exes, you'll never know what to look for in a partner, and well that is just going to leave you with nothing but a whole lot of break ups in the future.  Make sure to talk about them in a way that emphasizes that experience and not the person.  Rather than saying, well "(enter ex name here), was just such an asshole and never even bought me a card for my birthday," instead say "I never felt valued in previous relationships and that is something that is important to me.  It doesn't have to be all cars and jewelry, it's the little things that mean the most to me, like cards and bubble baths"! OK cheesy I know, but you get the picture.  It actually very much works negatively in your favor if you are constantly bitching about how much of an asshole your exes were.  A guy, or girl a like that you are now dating is going to start questioning your own judgement and wonder why you don't value yourself enough to get out of a what sounds like a bad relationship.  Believe me, they are not going to look at it as being honorable for staying.  And to play the devil's advocate as well, it looks equally bad when you don't share experiences on what you value in a partner and what you won't put up with.  I can speak personally here, it makes me start you wonder what is wrong with them.  If they don't want to discuss it, what did they do?  Be open, honest, and ready to share parts of you that you haven't before.  That's what being with your soul mate should feel like, and if it doesn't feel that way, then, they're not the one.

3. If you are deleting texts and call logs from your ex in your phone, then you are already crossing a line!  STOP IT NOW!  This includes changing your pass code every couple of hours because your significant other may have been looking over your shoulder when you typed it in.  C'mon now, I know every loophole out there!  That makes me way more suspicious.  If I know your pass code the odds of me going through your phone are zero to a million.  If I notice you've been changing it, let's just say, nothing is safe!

4. The baggage: Appropriate protocol
I get it, your ex was a significant part of your life and you shared memories that you don't want to forget.  We all have them, but we don't all need to see them.  No one is expecting you to destroy them.  If they are, then they are a hypocrite and who wants to date one of those?  But there are certain ways to handle the baggage in certain phases of your relationship and I'm going to save you many arguments if you follow them.

A. Single: Keep that shit anywhere you like!  If you want pictures of you on the fridge and framed love letters and old cards still on your mantle, then you are welcome to do so!

B. Dating someone but she/he hasn't been to your place yet: Time to have most of that stuff put away in a box by now.  Group pictures of mutual friends with the two of you in them are still acceptable, I get it, you look great in that picture!

C. Dating someone exclusively: Everything in your apartment should be boxed up.  The group pictures, that candle she bought you for the bathroom, anything that you could look at while you are with the person you are with, that would remind you of your ex.  Social media; as long as it is long in the past albums or feed, then for the time being, it is acceptable.  It takes time to get to every aspect of your stored memories deleted now a days and anyone that you are with should understand that.

D. Moving in together: STORE EVERYTHING!  You are now co-hapitating.  That means that anything ex related should be in a box that is not labeled, in the garage or in a crawl space (If it's labeled and in reaching range than it's fair game).  Pictures, cards, letters (that's even if you still feel the need to hold on to it at this point).  All social media sites should be purged.  Old pictures need to be deleted.  If you're storing the photo album physically than look at this as a digital photo album, because that's what it is.  If you truly cannot bare the thought of parting with those pictures, put them in a password protected folder GUYS!  Believe me, women do it, because we're smarter.  If I'm living with you, I love you, and I respect the fact that you had enough respect for me to put your past in a place that it wouldn't be staring me in the face.  Men (and women), DELETE THE NUDEY PICTURES NOW!  It's one thing to keep memories that the two of you shared; like the time you went to the grand canyon and well, that experience is phenomenal so why delete it, but for real here.  If I open your computer and see your exes vajayjay and nips, you will be sleeping on the couch for a month.  I'm sure you wouldn't want to see the penis picture of my ex that was worth saving (trust me you don't want a comparison pic anymore than we do)!

E. Married: Everything needs to be gone.  You have found "the one" and you are now going to embark on a lifelong journey of making new memories with your family.  It's time to get rid of the old ones, because this is the new moment where your life begins again.  If you are still holding on to things from your past in the ex department then I hope you have a really good lawyer on speed dial.  You'll need them soon.

5. Please be reasonable and pick your battles.  I understand how exes can bring up a lot of feelings we like to lock away and it can make us all go a little crazy sometimes.  However, always remember that an ex is an ex for a reason.  You are here with them now.  If they really wanted to be with their ex, they would be.  They are not.  They are in this moment with you and that means a lot without even having to say anything.  Respect that and think about that before you flip out about an ex.  Now if you catch them in bed with or even sexting an ex, damn, forget everything that paragraph just said girl (and guy). Go ape shit crazy and get the hell out of there!!

Hopefully this cleared up a few protocols on how to deal with the topic of the "Ex" if it ever comes up in your relationship.  If anything you most definitely helped me to vent a little bit tonight and I most definitely feel better!

My New Years Resolutions

I realize I am a almost about three weeks late but let's just say I rang in the new year in an entirely new way and have been a little preoccupied lately with the downward spiral that is my life.

I quit my job.  I moved to a new city.  I moved in with my boyfriend (Eeek)!  It has been a few weeks of nothing but change change change here in my neck of the woods!  So I needed a little bit of time to sit down and actually think about some of my new years resolutions for the year since so much has changed already.  However, as I looked back on 2013, I didn't do half of the things that I wanted to do or said I was going to do!  So this year is going to be different (I know I say that every year), but what will be different about it this year, is this list.  I have not made a new years resolution list in I don't know how long!  So this year is going to be different!

1. Continue to blog!  Start a day to day journal.  Even if nothing exciting happens, try and write in it everyday!
2. Take my vitamins and develop a better skincare routine.  I am so bad about washing my face and brushing my teeth twice a day.  I need to take better care of myself now so I don't look like I'm 50 in a year!
3. Complete my bucket list for the year (list coming soon)!
4. Find a job I love
5. Go back to school and find a career I will be passionate about
6. Stick to a workout routine.  Workout when I have time and don't stress when there is a day I truly don't have time to workout, but nonetheless, do not skip more than two days in a row!
7. Vow to visit a friend at least once a month.  Doesn't matter who or when or why, just maintain my relationships better and make sure I at least talk to those I don't see once a month.
8. Try and be less negative.  I have been a real Debbie Downer this last month.  I need to be more conscious of how my mood affects others and those that love me that are around me all the time (darling hubby).  I need to work on being more positive and happy even when my chips are down.
9. Drink more water, and drink less beer.  I've been really bad about this lately.
10. Kick my nicotine habit for good.  Yes I have been an off and on smoker for years and even when I cut back I still smoke about half a pack a week.  It's time to nix it for good.

I just generally want to have a year that I look back on and am proud of.  I need to find what I am passionate about and do what I love on a daily basis.  I've struggled with this in the past.  But I started this year by giving up things I didn't particularly love for someone I absolutely love and I'd say that's a pretty good start.

This article was posted in Glamour originally and then republished by the Huffington Post.  I thought it to be an amazing article that truly hit home a little bit since I am well on my way to approaching the big 3-0!  However, based on this list, I think I can comfortably coast into my 30's!

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Know by the Time She's 30

By 30, you should have ...

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it.

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know ...

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2. How you feel about having kids.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

15. Why they say life begins at 30

Things I've learned about being broke-ish

I have still not found a job which is causing me a high level of stress and anxiety these days.  I cannot help but think its a little bit of karma telling me I should have been pinching pennies all these years instead of spending a better part of my salary on red wine and shoes.  Good news is, those shoes are getting a lot more use since I no longer work in yoga pants, bad news is, I'm finding it difficult to put on pants everyday!  Yes this girl has 99 problems but sweatpants aren't one!  So I'm finding myself trying to not only pinch pennies but hoping if I rub the pennies hard enough a genie will pop out or something.

In case that you find yourself unemployed and not wanting to spend money, you have to find entertainment elsewhere and be creative about your spending or lack there of.

I have successfully managed to put together 5+ outfits for each staple piece of clothes in my closet.  I found new ways to dress things up, try outfits with a different pair of shoes, or just by adding a blazer over my favorite summer tank!  To be honest, I just wanted to put on a pair of pants.  Any pants, just a pair of pants.

If you close the bathroom door while taking a shower and turn the water up really hot, it sort of feels like a sauna.  And the best part is, you don't have to share it with people who awkwardly forget to wear their towel.  And you want to be real daring, turn on the shower and do some yoga in your bathroom!  It's like my own personal private hot yoga studio.

Speaking of fitness, since I have just moved here and have not found a gym yet I have resorted back to doing my p90x and Taebo fitness DVD's in lieu of my typical gym workout.  My ten pound dumbells may not be as efficient as the typical ones I lift, but hey, if I'm going to be broke, I mine as well be skinny!

You can successfully spend an entire day watching nothing but reality television.  When you have no drama in your life, well, when you really have nothing in your life, it's actually pretty fun to watch.  I am completely caught up with the Kardashians.  I wish I could list that as a skill on my resume.

If all else fails, always turn to social media.  If your facebook is anything like my own, you can easily find a few good people who you went to high school with that will always make you feel better about your life.  You could be unemployed with three baby daddies who don't pay child support.  Remember, it could always be worse!

Happy Christmas Eve eve in my new home!

So the darling hubby has gone out to visit with some of the "boys" while they are home for Christmas, which is just fine by me.  I am enjoying a Christmas ale, relaxing in the ambiance of our beautiful tree and watching reality shows!  

It's hard to believe that this is my new home now!  I only have one more trip planned to Columbus to get the rest of my belongings:(. The suitcase is officially unpacked for good and the shoes have found a home in my new closet.  Cheers to new beginnings and merry christmas!  I'm hoping there is something shiny under that tree for me this year!

You're fancy huh?

Having a fancy night!  Drinking the expensive wine (10.99 gas station bottle vs the 3.99 grocery store cheapo).  Bread with olive oil and spices because I'm out of butter!  Can't help but feel awesome right now!  What has my life come too? Lol. Oh and I've busted out the plastic wine glasses because all my nice ones are packed away!  That's just the icing on the cake!

How many boxes does it take?

The clock has starting ticking and the official two week countdown until the big move has begun.  It's getting a little frustrating trying to pack while still spending time in two different homes and on top of that trying to find a job.  I have not at all been myself lately.  I have not been going to the gym and I have so much to do that I just get overwhelmed and find myself doing nothing instead.  I'm ready for my life to be in one place and just have things settled down again and get back to my usual routine.

I'm beginning to get really nervous about entering the world of the unemployed.  I have decided to give up my career of elite coaching and to go back to school and try and find administration work in the mean time to help pay the bills.  It seems to be quite competitive these days and people want people with direct experience in the business.  I've never not been employed.  I have always had opportunities open before I have left previous positions and this is the first time that it isn't happening that way.  Even though the darling hubby is completely supportive, it starts to get more annoying than anything the more he keeps saying that it "will all be okay".  Of course for him it is okay.  He isn't the one moving to a new city, quitting his job, giving up his apartment and essentially the life he created for himself.

I had a bit of a breakdown the other day and gave myself a solid ten minutes to feel sorry for myself before I snapped out of it.  I had always told myself that I would not make decisions this big based on love and love alone again.  I would want a solid commitment before I made such a drastic life change.  Though he has never even thought of living with a girlfriend, which means this is a big commitment to him, from someone, like myself, who has lived with a boyfriend before I feel that it's not as big of a commitment as he thinks it is.  It's easy to separate when you simply play house.  At one point I had contemplated if getting married was even the right choice for me and my life because I really had questioned the idea of monogamy but now my feelings have changed.

At one time in my life I wanted the big penthouse.  To live in the city and have an exciting fast paced job and now I'm beginning to want to give up the penthouse for playpens.  However, I haven't been preparing for that life.  I have spent a lot of time in my twenties being a completely selfish.  Dating random men who I knew wouldn't be the one, living on my own and collecting my memories, going out on Tuesday nights and not taking life very seriously.

Now here I am, still wanting to finish school and start a career and begin a family with this man.  I finally found someone worth settling down for and here I feel like I'm not worth settling down with.  I should have figured that one day my clock might start ticking and I should have been more prepared.  Goals change as you change and I realize that sometimes there is no timeline but your own.  I have never been more scared and yet more motivated to begin a new part of my life.

So I'm throwing this out into the Universe.  I have finally met prince charming, now please provide me with employment or I'm ONLY going to be able to afford the picket fence!

Alright done venting for now!  Back to packing!

Wedding weekend was a success!

It was a gorgeous Saturday afternoon, the sun shining, warm weather, very much unlike Tuesday of the following week where snow actually knocked leaves off the tree!  The wedding weekend was a success and I now have a new sister!

Nikki looked absolutely gorgeous and we all had a fabulous time catching up with family and friends!  Looks like I'm next (since there is no other option of course) lol!

The lovely bride and the bridesmaids!

The entire bridal party at the reception!

My dashing brother!

The love of my life! 

My sisters!

Exciting announcement!

I can now officially announce this...drumroll please...I'M MOVING!!!! 

The darling hubby has asked me to move in with him.  He actually asked me a few months ago and I didn't really entertain the idea at first.  The more we talked about and the more I've thought about it, I realized why not?  I truly feel that I have finally met the love of my life, my joie de vivre, the one!  I'm tired of putting my life on hold for my job and it was time to make a change!

Needless to say I'm a little nervous.  Not about living with someone but because it's a whole new city and I have officially quit my job and I'm leaving a place that I have fallen in love with.  I don't have a job yet and I had to give my job ample notice so I'm not officially moving until December so let the searching and packing begin!!  I cannot wait to start this new chapter of my life!

Skinny Fox Detox!

 Back in June I made the decision to work towards my ultimate goal of competing in a fitness competition.  My friend who used to be a personal trainer but is now a big shot at a gym here in Columbus was also training for a show and offered to have me come workout with him and see what it was going to take to do this.  So we dove straight in to heavy lifting and building mass and carrying around a gallon of water and eating ridiculesly clean!  I couldn't believe how after a few weeks I felt amazing and I was watching my body transform and I was officially addicted.  After a month and a half of hardcore training I went on vacation and fell in love! Go figure haha.  Even though I was still in the gym, I went from working out 6 days a week to 3 and clean eating was replaced with date food and beer and needless to say my body went right back to where it was comfortable.  Then I remembered that I was sized for my bridesmaid dress during my peak workout performance and lo and behold my dress is now a little tighter in the midsection.  So I decided that I'm not going to let love mean putting aside my original goal and journey so I officially began training again two weeks ago.  To jump start my diet and just rid myself of the nastiness I've been consuming I am jump starting my diet with the skinny fox detox!  All it is, is tea.  One glass every morning and one every other night.  I am only trying the 14 day detox and then if I really like it I may try the 28 day!  No dairy, alcohol, sugar or processed food for 24 days!  I'll post before and afters soon!

Busy busy bee!

I have been a very busy bee these last few weeks!  I always vow to keep up with this thing and then I let life get crazy and I fall off the wagon a little bit.  However, it is my goal to keep track of all the exciting things happening through the year because I don't want to look back like I did last year and say, "what did I even do all year?"  So this is what I've been up to the last few weeks!

The weekend after my birthday we had a fabulous birthday party in Cleveland for my friend Katie and I!  All I wanted was to finally have all of my bestfriends together in one place and I finally got my birthday wish!  It was an amazing night!

This past weekend I made another trip up to Cleveland for bachelorette activities.  Activity number one was completing a 5k with the bride!  I have to say I was very hesitant at first on doing the 5k.  If given the choice between running in the cold rain versus being able to wake up in a warm bed with my gorgeous hubby and having a cup of coffee, I'm always going to choose the latter.  But we did it!  My sister and I successfully ran it, even though we are not runners and we had a lot of fun and everyone loved our tutus!  Go team bride!

After we got warmed up and showered it was on to a wine tasting at the beautiful battery park wine bar and then to an amazing dinner at pier W restaurant, all right on the water!  And then the night ended with a wonderful evening of laughing and some drinks with my hubby!

Because we have been so busy the last few weekends and haven't had much alone time, the hubby and I decided to spend the day just him and I enjoying an absolutely noteworthy fall day!  After a trip to the apple orchard to pick 20lbs of apples and me making him take me to get my weekly Menchies fix, we picked up some of our favorite pumpkin beer, dinner and pumpkins and vowed to not leave the house for the rest of the day.  And we did just that!  

It has been a great few weeks!  Now we just have a diaper party, baby shower and this wedding to get through and then some super exciting things are happening for us!  I'll keep you posted!!

Wedding Shower Weekend!

Last weekend was my soon to be sister's wedding shower and I must say it couldn't have turned out better.  Her maid of honor is amazingly organized which is so appreciated when you live a few hundred miles away from everyone.  And brides need to take a lesson from my SIL (sister in law).  Know what you want!  It does not make you a bridezilla because you can say what you want without being a bitch about it.  And she does just that.  She told us exactly what she wanted, what she didn't, what she likes and what she doesn't like.  For one thing it takes out all the guess work.  It makes planning so much easier!  You're job is easier, the bride is happy and things just run so smoothly like this shower!

Now I cannot take credit for any of this except for planning and icing a few cupcakes, which as always I end up using way too much glitter, right mom?  and licking way too many beaters.  But I did put the cupcake dress together!  And I helped in the planning!  Nonetheless the shower turned out great!  I cannot wait until the wedding and I'll be sharing more photos!

DIY Coffee Mugs

So I have a lot to catch you up on which I will do later tonight when it's acceptable to do so with a bottle of wine.  But right now it's 10 am and I don't think work would appreciate me drinking a bottle of wine before I come in, even if it is my birthday!

A few months ago I met my amazing boyfriend and he started bringing out feelings of domesticity (perhaps that is my own word), that I have never felt before.  He had me wanting to be all responsible and shit, like cleaning out my fridge and making room in my closet by getting rid of things I haven't worn in a year (that was hard)!  I actually always had a back up paper towel roll on hand and even toilet paper (jk, er kinda).

This was when I realized that here I was actually thinking that this might be the one and I didn't even have a matching coffee mug to my name.  So that was when I decided that it was time to change a few things and I went out and bought some matching monogram coasters and four matching coffee mugs.  But c'mon, who am I kidding, I can't entirely grow up.  Hence my brand new DIY mustache coffee mugs.  Yes, I have a secret obsession with mustaches!

And these were super easy to make too!  I went and bought some dollar store coffee mugs ($1.00 each at dollar general).  Then I came home and drew on some mustaches.  I baked them at 350 degrees for 30 minutes in the oven.  Let them sit in the oven with it cracked and turned off to let them cool slowly so they don't crack.  And then hello beautiful DIY mugs.  I loved these so much I think I'm going to play around with more mugs soon.  Just a tip, they are microwave and dishwasher safe, but if you put them in the dishwasher the sharpie will come off slightly so wash them by hand.  I just want to point out that this was my amazing boyfriend's mistake and so now he gets to drink out of the cup that looks as if the mustache is just getting a few gray hairs.  This is his punishment.  A reminder every morning that despite how old I'm getting, he'll always be older :)

I'M BACK! (again)...

Ok I am back and committed yet again to blogging.  I spent some time reviewing some other blogging platforms but I have decided to stick with blogger so bare with me while I figure out some configurations and how to add links to my social media sites and what not.  It's a process.  I don't have time to do it today, but I will eventually (hopefully), and most likely since I will be taking time off from working here shortly (big news to come soon)!!

Anyway hello again!

Red Lipstick and Wine

There is a saying that there are two tragedies in life; one is to lose your heart's desire and the other is to gain it.  I feel that people spend an awfully lot of time wishing.  We wish for more money, more clothes, more shoes, a better car, a better life.  Whatever your vice is, we tend to always want more of it.  Sometimes we wish more organic things and what could be more organic than raw love?

I find it funny how single people complain about being lonely until they are in a relationship and then they complain about being in a relationship.  I have been completely guilty of this as well.  The grass is always greener right?  But often times I have found that we have complaints about relationships most often when we don't have particular standards for ourselves in those relationships.

As women we are always being told to follow rules.  Don't go out with him if doesn't solidify plans by Wednesday, but don't go out with him if he calls the next day because he's too eager then and who wants a stage five clinger?  Always let him pay, but you should offer so you don't look like a gold digger, and if he agrees to go dutch then you should just high tail it out of there because he only wants one thing.

All of these "rules" are frankly quite dizzying and I'll be honest, I have been following and NOT following these rules for about the last five years and none of it has done me any good.  I am no dating expert but can we please just take men out of the equation for a minute.

Bottom line, plain and simple, up front and honest; you are never going to get what you want if you don't know what YOU want and if you don't know what you want then you can't communicate that to a significant other and it's NEVER going to work out.  NEVER.  Not under any circumstance.  I'm sorry but men will jump through only so many hoops and as much as you want to think that you're shit don't stink, everybody's does when they eat the wrong lunch that day so get over yourself.

I need to get over myself.  In the movie...something, "the wallflower" they say that every women has the love life that she thinks she deserves (and actually that was first seen in the Wedding Date, but I think the book came first and they stole it from there).   There is a profound truth in that.  In your mind, you may think that you deserve a lot more than you portray that you do.  Hence the not knowing what you want.

So do yourself and your dating life a favor.  Pour yourself a bottle (oops I mean glass), of wine.  Put on some red lipstick so you feel sexy and get to writing.  Write down what you want.  Write down what you don't want.  Write down your personal deal breakers.  Write down what you are willing and NOT willing to put up with in what is supposed to be titled "your better half."  At the end of the day, that is what a relationship should be.  The person that you give your energy too, that you sacrifice for, should be your better half and do the same for you.  If you're in a relationship and they don't, STOP.  If they step their game up and earn your love and respect then they deserve a place in your life.  If they don't, it may hurt, it may suck, you may cry and find strength in that bottle of wine but soon you will be over it. I would much rather be heartbroken for two weeks or two months than live two years of being treated how I do not deserve to be treated.  People who deserve to be in your life will rise to meet your expectations or they will move on and you should do the same.

The looking glass; a five year reflection

One of my favorite fairy tales growing up was Snow White.  Don't get me wrong, it held no comparison to Cinderella, but it was still a fairy tale that I grew up watching multiple variations of.  As a child fairy tales meant something completely different to me than they do now as an adult who has studied her fair share of literature and has had the idea of a "deeper meaning" engrained into my mind by professors.  As a child they were just princesses.  Beautiful women who were hated for their beauty but in the end true love, decent humanity and beauty always dominated over evil queens and step mothers.

Today I find myself contemplating the deeper meaning of the looking glass in my own fairy tale.  After having a brief conversation with my mother the other day and thinking as I got off the phone with her how her oppinnions can be so cold and relentless sometimes, she made a very good point.  Her question to me was "where do you see yourself in five years?"  To be quite honest, I had no answer.  I didn't see myself in five years.  I hardly saw myself today.  If you asked me five years ago if where I was standing at that moment had been part of my plan, I would have said no.  Did I think it was a possibility?  Of course, but did I see it happening?  Did I take calculated measures to ensure it?  No.  It just happened.

Like the many years behind me in life, I have not made a concrete plan for anything.  Part of that has to do with my faith in fate and destiny.  I believe that I am where I am for a reason whether known or unknown and I trust that the people and things placed in my path are to strengthen my faith, test my patience and guide me to the ultimate end of my life.  I just trust that things will work out and be ok.  If I need something, I throw that need into the universe and somehow things workout for the best.  I know that seems like a silly way to live life but it's worked.

Looking back at previous blogs I have accomplished a lot of short term goals I set out for myself.  Five years ago to this day I was miserable.  Horrible boyfriend, bartending, broke, living at home with my parents, no credit,  and I had an old rusty car (that I was thankful for).

Today I am working my dream job (maybe not ideal job but a job with a gym I had only dreamed of ever working at).  I own my new car (well in 21 more payments).  I have a beautiful apartment BY MYSELF in Columbus and I get to wake up to coffee in bed and sunshine every morning.  I have wonderful friends and my relationship with my family couldn't be better.  If you would have asked me five years ago if this was where I saw myself, I couldn't have answered yes.

Because often times that question lies within the looking glass.  Sometimes what we see when we look in the mirror is beautiful.  And then sometimes those that we love the most points out of the features reflected in that mirror that aren't so beautiful.  It angers us, and we do whatever we can to change that reflection.  For me, as much as I hate my mother always being right, it's making a plan.

So I sat down today to truly ask myself what I want in the next five years.  I'm going to write it down and throw it out in the universe and work hard on my own merit to get it.  My birthday is coming up in two weeks and I always feel that the year starts on your birthday and not on the new year.  I celebrate a "new year" on the day I was born.  And indicative to that, I always make a list on my blog about what I am going to try and accomplish in the next year.  Sometimes I succeed at a few things and sometimes I don't at all.  My reflection is of a girl who is now going into her late twenties, with grace and style but not two pennies to rub together and a lot of "I will's, I wants, one days, and maybes."  I'm tired of seeing that reflection and it's time to change that this year."

So for the goals.

In the next year.  I want to have a majority of my debt paid off.  If this means I'm going to have to spend less time coming home for visits and more time doing private lessons and working a second job, it's time to put my money where my savings account is.  I want to continue on this healthy path and lose all this extra weight.  As my previous post stated I have been doing Insanity and I plan on sticking to it. No more working out for a few days and then losing track.  I want to finish my book.  I'm tired of talking about it and it's time to just DO IT.  I want to cross more things off my leap list.  Spice things up, add some adventure, meet new friends, as I haven't really solidified a life here and I need to because this works into my five year plan...

In five years, I want to still be at my company.  I want to coach through the next Olympics.  I want to see one of our very own make it and I want to travel to Brazil to cheer her on and be apart of something people only dream of.  And since I know I am where I want to be for at least the next four years.  I want to slowly finish school and find a career I am passionate about so that I can reduce myself to being a part time coach working because it's my passion and not because I need it to pay my rent.  I want all my student loans paid off.  I want my car paid off and I want an upgrade, to a beamer, more like a mercedes (white).  I want a house.  Or at least something with two bedrooms and a huge walk in closet.    I want to get married.  But I don't want children at least for another five years.  I want to be married by 30.  I want to enjoy some time with my husband and then I want to start having children around 32.  Hopefully my five year goals will be accomplished and the time will be right.  I want a boston terrior.  I want to travel more.  I want to spend more time with people I love and keep experiencing great things in life.  Because when I am old and gray, I highly doubt I will look back and wish I had made more money or say I wish I worked more.  I don't want my response to be that I wish I had spent more time with friends and family and more time learning and growing and loving.  I want to live life to the fullest.

The mental list is bigger, but I want to keep evolving and one day I hope that the only reflection I see in my looking glass is a good one.  I will be twenty seven this year.  I no longer consider that old or like I don't have enough time.  I look at it as the age of opportunity.  The age where I am young enough to still make mistakes but old enough to have the wisdom to change what it is I don't like about my life.

Here's to 2012!  The year starts again in two weeks!  Cheers to a good one!

I'm Back!

I apologize for my six month hiatus.  Life got crazy and summer was even crazier.  I thoroughly enjoy my weekends off in the summer, however, my bank account does not appreciate it as much as I do.  It was a spring and summer full of weddings and bridal showers, bachelorette parties, trips to the islands, VIP excursions, hanging out with Olympians, enjoying the Olympics, working ten hour days and yea, whew, I'm ready for a break.

I'm definitely excited to go back to my fall schedule today and just get my life back in order.  I may be going back to giving up my Saturdays but I am gaining so much more me time during the week that for me it makes it worth it.

Something I am very excited about beginning today is a workout regimen and diet plan.  Working 10 to 7 all week long took a toll on my diet as I spent everyday at lunch at a fast food place.  Even though I tried to make healthy choices such as whole grain grilled chicken sandwiches, sushi and turkey subs, it most definitely is not as healthy as home cooking meals.  And at 7 when I would get off work, the last thing I wanted to do was grocery shop, cook or even work out and my gut is showing my disdain for such organization.

So this morning I was up early.  Was able to sit around and "pin" and peruse my favorite social networking sites and this morning I started my workouts.  I am going to dedicate an hour a day to working out.  No more excuses.  I'm back blogger!

Workout:
25 minutes of Insanity Cardio Plyo (it kept cutting out and I couldn't take it anymore, this is what I get for trying to "borrow" it from the internet)
3 x 15 Squats supersetted with 30 seconds of wall sits in between sets
2 x 20 lunge walks with weights
1 x 15 Hamstring curls
20 minutes of pilates for abs

Diet:
B: 1 slice whole grain bread with 1 egg over medium and 1 slice weight watcher cheese
Post Workout: Cupcake protein shake (vanilla protein, sugar free cheesecake mix, 1 scoop cottage cheese (2tbs), 1/2 cup coconut milk and 1/4 water
Supplements: B vitamin, multi vitamin, chromium picolate, acidophilus and shot of apple cider vinegar
L: Mixed green salad with grape tomatoes, cucumber, blue cheese and italian dressing
Breaded tilapia (pan seared and whole grain flour)
Snack: Green apple with almonds
D: Grilled chicken breast (george forman), wild rice and steamed broccoli

My goal is to look like this...by Halloween!

The perfect Friday night

Me, a bottle of bohemian highway merlot, edamame and some sushi.

I have yet again gave up sweets for lent (minus the one hershey kiss I ate today. Yes, only one, I swear)! But today made me realize that I need to give up two other things...even if I am two days late.

Drum roll please.....

1. Sushi

2. Shopping

That's right. Two of my latest and greatest vices. Paying bills tonight, as I ate my sushi, I realized in checking my bank account that I could have made my car payment with the amount of money I have spent in sushi this last month (ok maybe not that much), but I definitely could have paid my cable bill, or bought a really nice pair of shoes. So tonight I ate my last sashimi for 38 days. Ok I'll add two for cheating.

And shopping, well it's no surprise that I am a shopaholic. But this week alone I bought myself some Juicy, Gucci (possibly Pucci), and Nike. Um, hello Michele! You just dropped enough money to feed ten children in Africa for a year!

So no sweets, no shopping, no sushi! Ugh I am doomed! And I am embarking on a new project. In the next 40 days I have to volunteer somewhere. I have to give back. I have been so blessed in my life and I need to respect that and so I am going to find something I am passionate about and give back (not through money), through time, my time, the time I waste oh too often on tumblr and facebook. I also am going to embark on a positivity path! That's right. I will not say anything negative for the next 40 days. If I have a negative thing to say about something I am going to keep it to myself! We'll see how this goes because in my experience the only thing people hate more than negative nelly's are positive polly's!

Toodles for now. Going to finish my manicure and start packing for my descent home tomorrow afternoon. I am so excited to be going home!!!

Is the grass ever really greener?

I am a firm believer that there is a balance to life. A yin and a yang, take the good with the bad, the ups and the downs, and any other cliche saying that comes to mind when you are trying to make yourself feel better about a decision or choice gone array.

This is life right? Whether we can justify its purpose or we just go with the flow, we as humans have to come to expect that sometimes things may not always turn out the way that we wanted them to. We can admit defeat or we can try and do something about it.

I feel like sometimes you start out in life with a vision on the type of path you want to travel down and then of course life happens, shit happens, you fall off wagons, you stumble, you screw up, you get up, you dust off, you jump, you leap, you make mistakes, you correct them, you face them, you conquer, you submit and soon you have taken so many short cuts and long ways home that you don't even know which direction you are facing anymore. So you have a choice. You can either keep going forward, hoping to find the path you seemed to have lost and pray that perhaps you actually find a better one to follow, or you can turn around and weep on your way back home. Either way, you are off course and sometimes you find yourself doing things you love that you never realized you would ever be able to do.

Then there are days, like today, when you wonder if you made the right choice to continue walking forward on the path that you found yourself on so many years before. At first the path looked so promising but even the calmest of seas have their storms, and each night the sun sets, and then there is darkness. It can be eerie and you find yourself walking alone and nothing looks familiar anymore and you wonder if turning around would have led you to your destination quicker. And is turning around now too late? Should you keep moving forward? Keep hoping for a sign, wait for the sun to rise, for the fog to clear?

Perhaps the solution is to find strength in your moment of weakness. To build a fire and create your own light. Maybe it won't stay lit for long, or maybe it will be just enough for you to catch a glimpse of where you are to go from this point, and then again maybe it won't. But truly what else is there to do?

Happy (late) New Year

I realize I have been pretty M.I.A for the last two months but I was trying to emerge myself into getting fit and so I started a fitblr blog and have been giving that a lot more attention than this blog. Actually if you want to check it out its...www.tumblr.com/blog/bitterbridesmaid.

I also realize it is seventeen days late to be posting this, but I saw this a few weeks back and something the other day reminded me of something on this list and I had to find it and repost it. It's honestly great advice.

20 New Years Resolutions for 20 somethings...

1) Before you status update, Tweet, Tumble or Instagram, pause and say to yourself, “is it entirely necessary that I share this morsel of thought with my entire social network?”and if the answer is not, “yes, I absolutely must,” then step away from the Internet.

2) Know which candidate you’re going to vote for in the upcoming presidential election, and know why.

3) Enough with the 14-day juice cleanses. If you want to lose a little weight quickly, eat less and exercise like crazy. If you want to lose a lot of weight slowly, do whatever Jennifer Hudson did.

4) If you really like the person you’re hooking up with and would like them to be your boyfriend/ girlfriend, find a way to tell them, and hope for the best. If you don’t and wouldn’t, stop.

5) Find a way to save approximately 300 dollars and spend it on a flight to see a friend or family member who lives far away.

6) Please stop liking the Kardashians, all of them. It’s not helping anyone, least of all the Kardashians.

7) Spend less than or equal to the money you earn each month.

8) Wear clothes that fit you, especially to work.

9) Call someone on the phone at least once a week, and speak to him or her for at least ten minutes.

10) Start preparing now to get over the fact that Facebook is probably going to change again in six months. You’re not going to deactivate your account. You don’t know how.

11) Wait 30 seconds before you look up a fact you can’t remember on your phone, and try to remember it using your brain. This is what the olden days were like.

12) Replace one terrible reality show you’re currently watching with one wonderful scripted show currently available on television. Swap suggestion: Real Housewives of Anywhere for HBO’s Enlightened.

13) Try that food you think you don’t like but have never actually tried, unless it’s brussels sprouts. They really don’t need any more attention.

14) Cut one person out of your life who you truly do not like and add one person who you truly do. Note: not on Facebook, on Earth.

15) If you’re still blacking out regularly, you should stop.

16) Volunteer once over the next 90 days. You’ll feel really good about it, and probably end up volunteering again over the next 275.

17) Tell someone who you love that you love them on a more regular basis. To their face, not in a text.

18) Back up your entire online life onto an external hard drive, especially your photos.

19) Crap or get off the pot. This applies to whatever thing you’re not doing that you should just sack up and do already.

20.) And in the eternal words of Tom Haverford, “TREAT YO SELF!”