It's raining MEN!

When it rains, it pours...men! At least this seems to be pretty indicative of my life lately. My jedi-mind trick, MANuel advice must have worked on someone, because lo and behold the wonderment that filled my day.

First [fighter] text me as asked me out for next weekend. I felt an instant smile spreading across my face. Which was quickly erased with "the thinker." Why now? Because his fight will be over? Because now he'll have more time? Now he wants to start something after almost a month of being apart? I just feel like too many questions are going to come up on that "first" second date. I mean we've already had the us talk, we already were dating, are we dating again? And what happens the next time he has a fight? This is what he wants to do, it's his first love, his passion. I know there will be a next one and probably three months down the road. I would never ask him to give that up for me so what happens to us the next time around? Maybe I am getting too far ahead of myself and maybe he just misses my company and the friendship we created. I mean if you're dating someone and not sleeping with them, honestly the only think developing is a friendship.

Not five minutes after this, I get a text from [shrink] wishing me a wonderful day. "Hello! I don't want you to wish me a wonderful day, I want you to call me and ask about my day!" This was more annoying than endearing, and I more a feeling of accomplishment than lust. I'm going to follow the steadfast (and stupid rule until I say it applies) rule here. Tomorrow is Wednesday. If he doesn't ask me out by tomorrow, I'm going to gracefully decline if he does so at all this week! Men need to learn. Maybe I should write a Womanuel...a book for all men to learn about the secrets of woman. Maybe put to rest the idea that we're crazy and make them think for a change that they're all really just idiots and that's why we act crazy. I mean I always thought men were simple creatures, and this guy managed to write a book about their simplicity. Reading it, I employ the same expression as a confused puppy with my head tilted to the side. If he can stretch 200 pages to simply say; dress slutty, don't gain wait and give us lots of blow jobs; I can certainly manage to write a book about women.

Maybe serial dating is my life's calling. Maybe I was meant to write about my dating disasters, woes and uncertainties for all of the world to find their soul mates! I mean after all, the only part that matters in a fairytale is the ending!

Redecorating from the outside in

I need to do something with this apartment. I need money to do something with this apartment. But I need to create a more peaceful living space. I know they say build it up slowly, but I am not that type of person. I want it all down now. So I'm going to start the process of designing one room at a time and I think I will start with my sanctuary of a bedroom. That is what is the greatest disaster. The smallest room imaginable (not like anything else about this apartment is big). And then maybe I can ebay things I like so I can keep costs down. I want to do my bedroom in black and pink. I love pink, I love black and I love them even more together so It makes sense.

On an unrelated topic I have decided to attend [fighters] fight on Saturday. Even though I am not thrilled about this decision because it will be hard to see him. I heard that he wants me there and so I am going to go. I am giving up the islands for his fight, but I guess those are the things you do for someone you did and still care about.

[Shrink]. Hmmm can't figure him out. Either he plays the game just as hard or harder, he's just a jerk who is beginning to let his true colors show, or he is trying to get me to write him off so he doesn't look like a jerk, I can't quite tell. All I know is I did not like his "tru dat" and "yo" responses in a conversation last night. I mean c'mon, who does that? My guy friends don't even talk to me like that because they know how much it urks me. So this guy was seriously trying to push my buttons. Whatever, he thinks I'm going to write him off, I'll just wait a few days and text him something just because. I have no intentions of seeing him at this point, but I can play the game. He thinks I will just write him off, hmmm, not this girl. I can keep you on your toes too. This is now becoming more like a game of fun tug of war while I can concentrate on other prospects. Jerk!

well more later...time to clean myself up and head to work.

Numero Tres!

Match meeting #3. I have to say I am at least proud of myself for getting out there and actually meeting, in person, some of the people from match. It is a step I truly did not even think I would take upon first signing onto the site. But then I told myself that this was its purpose; for you to actually "MEET" people and I was not going to do that by hiding behind the security of my lap top screen.

I am also proud of myself for not limiting myself after meeting the first guy from the site either. I had a great first date with the "shrink," (even though he is not an actual shrink, we'll call him that because it's easier than typing out psychologist). I had a semi disasterous date with the doctor. I mean, this guy wore Armani to the bar and drove a Mercedes convertible. WAY too flashy for someone who is only a resident. His whole air screamed "I do this a lot and my sole purpose of the evening is the pour tequila down your throat to make it easier for you to make out with me." Needless to say, number deleted.

I had a great second date with the shrink, but perhaps having him meet my friends, the parents and spend over 24 hours with me was not a proper second date of choice. I have not heard from him since Thursday and I refuse to call, text, or contact him in anyway. I left it at, call me if you have time, and that is how I am going to leave it. I know that he was moving into his new apartment and let's face it, men are not the best multi-taskers, but c'mon! No contact for three days screams one of two things to me. Either he's not interested, or he is a juggler. He's good looking so I am sure that being on an online dating site he has the pick of the liter. I mean, I am attractive and I know how many emails I get a day, and guys don't show their desperation for a relationship of any type half as much as girls do. So I've decided if I don't hear from him by Wednesday, I'm just going to let it go. I need to stop analyzing why he hasn't called and focus on guys who are fighting for my attention.

My meeting tonight was sudden. He emailed this morning, we exchanged some conversation and poof it was, how about meeting me for a drink. It was nice that he wasted no time to ask me out on a date. Perhaps this is what the book "The List" was talking about. They say that when you set off a guys alarm, whether it be physically or mentally, he will call within 24 hours of receiving your number and he will ask you out on a date within another 24 hours. Well this guy received my number and asked me out within 12! Ballsy? yes. Cute? yes. And don't worry, I know I read too many self help books! It has become more of a hobby.

Though almost ten years older than myself, I was pleasantly surprised. He could be mistaken for someone of the same age. Tall, clean shaven baby face, blue eyes, and nice smile. More lanky than what I have typically dated but his gentleman charm was just as attractive. Opening the door, slyly paying for the drinks when I was in the restroom so there was not awkward, "let's split it," discussion, walking me to my car door. However, I am interested to see what he does for fun.

He is an attorney. He seems calm and collected in a boyish, in experienced way. Definitely a button up and tie kind of guy. Not quite the assertive fancy dinner party type, but not quite the outdoor, rock concert going type either. Almost too collected in knowing what his goals are in life and ready to start a family and have the white picket fence life than wanting to meet someone to have a few years of fun with. However, great conversation, with a multitude of topics and questions still left to cover, and definitely second date worthy. Who knows, I judge, and perhaps I am judging this one too quickly. Only time will tell.

Well I am going to get ready for bed, settle in with another self help book, and try not to wonder why "shrink" has yet to contact me nor wonder if he will!

Cinnamon induces happiness!

Mmmm...a big comfy leather chair and a cup of cinnamon coffee. Now this is spending time with yourself!

Listen

There I was; pushing hard against the pedals. Watching my legs go up and down to the steady beat of the song, 1...2...3...4...1...2...3...4. I remember this motion. I remember watching the cyclists ride along at this same pace as I would drive past them up a hill. I felt a peace in that moment today in class. A class that I literally raced to get to, waking up a mere twenty minutes before it began. I almost didn't go today. I came up with every excuse; oh you'll be late. You should eat breakfast. You forgot a towel. But instead of making excuses, I just went. I didn't keep thinking about it, I just got in my car and kept driving until my happy size 6 ass was in that saddle and ready to push through a long workout and release the thoughts clouding my mind.

I haven't had much time lately to even clean my apartment, let alone just be with myself and do the things that I want and need to do. My weekends have been filled with dinner parties, dates, trips to the lake. As much as I love summer and I love having things to do, I am faced with too many options and I shut down when I am at a cross road and don't know what to do. In these situations I want to sit and be still; write; read; just listen to what my body, soul and mind, the universe is trying to tell me what to do.

With that being said, I think I am going to take a little time this weekend and do just that. Last night it was a good book and a bottle of wine; today spin/TRX class and now starbucks and tomorrow the art gallery. Despite having loads upon loads of laundry and a dinner party tonight. I am going to relax, enjoy the weekend.

Fathers Know Best...supposedly

Ugh I hate this feeling. Whether it had something to do with my dad's "When you think you're Mr. Right, remember you're Mr. Right now," comment, or the fact that his non response to my text screams, not interested, either way I don't like what my intuition is telling me.

Ugh I could kill my father for that one.

Oh well, if it's meant to be it will be and it's not exactly in my hands now is it?

Contemplation

It's either Mr. Not enough time, Mr. Emotionally Unavailable, Mr. Not good enough, Mr. Drama...yada yada yada the list goes on and on. In talking with my best guy friend Kenny tonight about Dolphins, the discovery channel, relationships and life woes, we questioned why it is so hard to find Mr. Right.

I have been single for a year now. A year of great self discovery that I would never exchange for the life I used to live. I have learned so much about myself as a person. About what I want and what I am willing to sacrifice and things that I never will. I enjoy coming home to an empty apartment sometimes and I enjoy quiet nights with a bottle of red wine, my high heels and my IPOD. (Yes I clean in high heels, don't ask). But I am ready for more.

I'm not sure why I am starting to question this now, tonight, at this moment and felt the need to write it out so that I can feel better tonight. But I went out on a date Friday, which was iconic in what I have been dealing with as of late. Great guy, fantastic career (doctor). Amazing car (Mercedes). What every girl would dream of marrying. And I'm pretty sure he has every choice of a girl to marry. I mean he was attractive and fun and charismatic! He wore Armani for a casual night out for pete's sake! But that is my point. Every girl (well most) would find him a catch and I just don't feel like competing, worrying. I want someone who finds ME a catch.

Saturday, I had my second date with the psychologist and we had an amazing time and I am excited to see where things go. But here I am questioning things because he is just too good to be true! I mean, I have yet to find anything wrong with him. There has to be something right?

I just wish I could still believe that things just happen. That destiny takes over and things will magically fall into place. Love and relationships are beginning to become clouded by analysis and rules and I just wish things could fall into place. This is one area of my life that I am lacking in at all times it seems and I just don't want to have to work for it anymore. I want it to be easy. I am done with the cliches'. The, "it will happen eventually." The, "You'll find Mr. Right." The, "Be patients."

I want the honest, truth unfolding, say it how it is, don't be afraid to call, ask me out on a date, be understanding, kind of love!

I'm going to blame this one on intuition. I can just feel when something is off and that is enough for me. And something is definitely not "on" at the moment!