Contemplation

It's either Mr. Not enough time, Mr. Emotionally Unavailable, Mr. Not good enough, Mr. Drama...yada yada yada the list goes on and on. In talking with my best guy friend Kenny tonight about Dolphins, the discovery channel, relationships and life woes, we questioned why it is so hard to find Mr. Right.

I have been single for a year now. A year of great self discovery that I would never exchange for the life I used to live. I have learned so much about myself as a person. About what I want and what I am willing to sacrifice and things that I never will. I enjoy coming home to an empty apartment sometimes and I enjoy quiet nights with a bottle of red wine, my high heels and my IPOD. (Yes I clean in high heels, don't ask). But I am ready for more.

I'm not sure why I am starting to question this now, tonight, at this moment and felt the need to write it out so that I can feel better tonight. But I went out on a date Friday, which was iconic in what I have been dealing with as of late. Great guy, fantastic career (doctor). Amazing car (Mercedes). What every girl would dream of marrying. And I'm pretty sure he has every choice of a girl to marry. I mean he was attractive and fun and charismatic! He wore Armani for a casual night out for pete's sake! But that is my point. Every girl (well most) would find him a catch and I just don't feel like competing, worrying. I want someone who finds ME a catch.

Saturday, I had my second date with the psychologist and we had an amazing time and I am excited to see where things go. But here I am questioning things because he is just too good to be true! I mean, I have yet to find anything wrong with him. There has to be something right?

I just wish I could still believe that things just happen. That destiny takes over and things will magically fall into place. Love and relationships are beginning to become clouded by analysis and rules and I just wish things could fall into place. This is one area of my life that I am lacking in at all times it seems and I just don't want to have to work for it anymore. I want it to be easy. I am done with the cliches'. The, "it will happen eventually." The, "You'll find Mr. Right." The, "Be patients."

I want the honest, truth unfolding, say it how it is, don't be afraid to call, ask me out on a date, be understanding, kind of love!

I'm going to blame this one on intuition. I can just feel when something is off and that is enough for me. And something is definitely not "on" at the moment!