Another Life Update

I find it funny how no matter how much life can change around you, sometimes you find yourself back in the same places. I am of course back at camp Woodward this week. It was a trip I delayed admitting I had to take. Last years experience wasn't all I had imagined it would be, but so far I have to say I am really enjoying my time here. My roommate is really nice and fun. The girls enjoy my company. I spend lazy days laying by the pool, doing fun activities during the day and then the evenings in the gym working out with the girls on the trampolines that bounce you so high it almost makes me afraid of heights. Today we are going to do a ropes course, something on the bucket list. Tomorrow we are horseback riding, another item on my bucket list. Somewhere during my relaxation I need to find time to work on my book and I'm going to continue to work on getting something done that I heard was enjoyable, but I often times don't get to partake; sleep.

I do miss the normality of life a little bit. Of course my schedule is thrown askew here. You have to wake up to get breakfast, lunch and dinner at particular times of the day. I miss going to my spin class ( a weeks worth of money just tossed down the drain). But I am spending absolutely no money while I'm here which is nice. Lounging for a week also makes you go mad when you think about all of the things in life you need to get done and are not able to do because you are not home.

Ah the Love Life;

I of course would have to update you on this! I mean it has almost been a week since my last post and of course a lot of things have happened. 1. I went out on a date with this volleyball player on Thursday. I just met him after work for a few drinks by my house. He seemed really nice but there wasn't much of a connection. It was as if we were old friends just hanging out, talking like we've known each other for years. And even though that is nice to have in a relationship, there has to be some spark. I have not heard from him and so I am assuming that he sensed the lack of sparks as well. I realize that this is part of qualms of online dating. You have an opportunity to meet so many men and even though you exchange witty banter via email, that does not substitute for chemistry. At least when you meet someone in person, you know that the instant attraction is there or you would not have approached him, online dating is not like that. People can look different in from their profile picture, you could like or dislike their mannerisms, you might not like the sound of their voice.

2. The shrink actually called me on Friday, he has been texting me everyday and last night asked me out on another date. It's funny how these things happen when you a.) stop going crazy wondering if he'll want to see you again, b.) When both him and I are either out of town or going out of town. He asked me out for last Saturday but I had to decline because of the fight (The second time I've cancelled on this guy due to the fighter by the way)! I had to promptly leave town Sunday, and he leaves town Thursday for Florida. So I won't get to see him until next weekend at best.

3. Now the big conundrum! Like I stated in my last post, or one of them, I decided to go to the fight on Saturday. He wanted me there and I felt emotionally invested due to the fact that I let go of an amazing guy because of his training schedule. So I nervously went. And when I say nervous, I mean nervous. My stomach was doing flip flops, I couldn't eat. I just wanted to get it over with. If he was to win, then in my heart I knew that I did the right thing. If he lost, what was it worth? So I walk into the arena and my heart is pitter pattering and I am behind Chad and Bree as we make our way through the crowd and up to the stage area. I see him. He is talking to a group of people, his head turns and he sees me; he smiles; he leaves the crowd, I'm thinking he is going to say hi to Chad, then Bree and I'll patiently await my turn to say Good Luck. He bypasses them both and grabs me and gives me the biggest hug. He thanks me for coming, says how much he misses me, kisses my cheek tugs at my hand and I melted. We talk for a few minutes and now I think I am more nervous.

He of course won his fight without even a scratch. At the end of the fight, drenched shirt and all, there was another exchange of a hug, a few stolen kisses and a victory. I didn't realize how much I missed him until I saw him again. When the fight was over, we waited for him to shower and change and we were going to go out on the strip for a little bit with him. However, it was getting late, we had over an hour drive home and I had a long day of working and driving ahead of me. As we walk back towards the car, fighter walked us back, and he reached down and took my hand as we walked.

Ok I know this whole story makes me sound like a giddy freshman again, but you have to understand that I have been spending the last few days in a drag out fight of my own between my heart and my head. There was no denying the chemistry there, the feelings, emotions, longing. I felt it, he felt it, everyone saw it. My heart aches for this guy. I had true genuine and honest feelings for him, but I did the one thing I said I didn't want to do and that was allow him to get to me and I obviously did. Because I miss him and want to be with him and this is what my heart is saying. It says, who cares if you fall, that is the fun part. Let your guard down, just tell him how you feel. Who cares if he doesn't feel the same way, you tried, you were honest. But then my head is here saying, what happens for the next fight? He doesn't have enough time for you. This is his dream you can't interfere. You deserve someone who can give you more, more time, energy, affection. But I think I'm in "wuv." We're hanging out on Saturday when I get back and i'm sure these topics and more are going to come up for discussion. But when I'm with him, I don't want to think about it, talk about it. I just want to "be" with him.