Beautiful

Why is it that as I spurge literary bull shit, I find myself eating it shortly after. Yet again the tool bag is just a tool bag. Not in the sense that he did anything, just in the sense that he makes me wonder why I even remotely begin to believe that he has the ability to be a good guy. I would also like to point out how facebook is momentously ruining my so called "relationship." As I'm sure it does for many couples. At least for those in situations like mine, where their man friends are dumb enough to post things that would make their "girls" mad. So obviously I have set this story up enough for you to know that it 1. includes the tool box and 2. Has to do with facebook.

So I come home from work, after I hammered out some stress on the treadmill, and I hop on facebook, as I will be the first to admit that I am addicted. I will also admit that I will occasionally (ok who are we kidding here), creep on this form of telecommunication. So what do I see. Of course Ryan is sexbooking. Yes, this is the new word I am going to coin to flirting on facebook. Blatently flirting. Telling one girl to come out with him on St. Patty's Day, telling another "it's time," and he hopes her house isn't as cold as the last night, and telling another that he was "drooling over her pictures and hopes to catch her eye. All three of them nasty. Now, under normal circumstances in a relationship, this is borderline crossing the line. Not that there is anything normal about our relationship so where is the line here? I have decided that I have to draw it, apparently. He makes me feel like I am not good enough. I am not hot enough, thin enough, ambitious enough. Which all of these things are ironic, considering the fact that he is the one not good enough for me. He is the one lacking depth, ambition, desire, drive, honesty, integrity, all of the things that I value in a relationship. Why have I let these wants go out the window for some guy who is just great in bed? He isn't that great. He constantly makes me question if I am making the right choice with him and that is no way to live each day. It is a constant up and down roller coaster. I am up when he's with me and down when he's not, because he's off womanizing everything with two legs and a vagina. I cannot keep stressing over a guy who is like this. I deserve to be with someone who loves me for who I am, who wants to be with me for who I am and who I long to be and who will accept everything I have to offer along that journey. Being with someone to pass the time until that guy comes along is no way to live a life. So I am going to say to him that he won. I gave him the best of me at the time and I have nothing else to give him. I cannot give him more time, I cannot waste more gas. I cannot waste more energy and I most importantly cannot waste more of parts of my heart left unbroken. It's time to move on.