If at first you don't succeed...

I love thunderstorms. There is just something about laying in bed, alone, in the dark while the sky is rumbling outside. It reminds me of camping and is if the world is washing everything clean. As long as the power doesn't go out, because I am not particularly fond of the dark dark! Recently I have hardly been able to sleep. I have so many thoughts racing through my mind that perhaps blogging about them will help to release them from my inner sub conscious and I can fall asleep again. For one thing, I am having really odd dreams when I fall asleep. I think I know what the universe is trying to tell me, I am just refusing to listen for some reason. I had a dream last night that I was in a hospital, being chased by clowns (in which I am completely afraid of). They told me that if I could find a way out, I would live, and I of course could not find a way out. I kept running and running, and trying to open every door, that of course was locked. I realize my subconscious is trying to tell me that I am running from someone or something in my waking life. I know what it is I need to run from, but for some reason I cannot find the will power to take the first step of that sprint.

I keep dreaming of my sm (soulmate), but I am jokingly going to refer to him as sm from here on out. Last night he was with my former best friend, dating her. The night before, we were together. I am driving myself crazy keeping my thoughts of this topic internalized. I have yet to speak publicly to anyone about my misconceptions and feelings on the topic. Let alone ever let him know how I feel about the issue. I am going to just keep trying until I am either turned down or completely ashamed of my behavior lol.