After talking it over with some friends about my Ryan situation, I came to a startling revelation. Perhaps I was the problem here. My friend Anita was not justifying what he did, but she said in reality, he didn't really DO anything. He got a text message, from a girl. I didn't let him explain, I just assumed he was pursuing someone else. In actuality, I was the contradiction. Here I am, dating other people and wanting him to be exclusive to me. Months of back and forth, me saying one thing, doing another. I want to date him one minute, the next I want to explore my options. No wonder I have this guy so confused. We have been talking for over seven months now. People meet and get married in that amount of time, and here I am still contemplating whether or not I even want to be exclusive with this guy. By Tuesday Ryan had text me and asked if we could talk about things and he said just what Anita had said. I am back and forth and I need to make a decision. Either I want to try for there to be an us, or there is simply no us. He said he has told me how he feels and he wasn't pursuing any other girls and he wants to be with me, and it is now time for me to make a decision. So after contemplating for a few days, I decided why not? If we don't try, will I always have what ifs? maybe. If we do try will it end in heart break? maybe. Will I regret more trying than not? maybe. So since I was really neither one way or another on this platform, I thought sure. Lets do it. So we are now dating. Officially. He asked the other day if he could call me his girlfriend, but I don't really like that word so I opted for "girl" and he can be my manfriend. This is my girl, and this is my manfriend. Has a funny ring to it, and I like that better than girlfriend. Even though we've admitted to be dating, I'm still going to just go with the flow and let things go where the green path leads. I have to go to work. I will try and write more later.
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