Woe You 2010

I had another dream last night that I was pregnant! Whatever new goal or idea is about to grow, needs to grow soon before I start taking these dreams in a literal sense. I have so many ideas and so many goals for my life and things that I want to do, I am overwhelmed. I don't know where to even begin my list of things in 2010. How do you accomplish some dreams when they rely on others and not solely you? For instance, work. I have a lot of goals and personal achievements for work, but how do I begin something when I'll put in all this time and effort and if they staff doesn't follow it then it isn't going to work anyway. I want to do an art therapy program at the hospital and run an art charity auction of the art work created by the children. How do you go about this when that is dependent on so many other people? I suppose I need to take the first step and the first initiative and just do it. I need to begin networking so that I can accomplish these things in the future.

As far as my love life goes, it is still ever complicated in 2010. I am dating this really nice guy who makes me laugh so hard I am convinced it is my ab workout for the day. He is funny, smart, has goals and direction for his life and yet part of me is still really back and forth on the issue. One day I could potentially see myself with him and then the next I'm not so sure if we're right for each other. This is going to sound horrible, but the only reasons I have for contemplating this is based solely on physical attraction. He's the same height as I am. This makes me feel awkward when we are out and he actually has to lean upwards to give me a kiss, because I always have my high heels on. He is very attractive, don't get me wrong, I just have an issue with dating short guys. He looks young. Physically I want the bone structure of jean claude van dam, dark skin, bright blue eyes, hair that is not too long, not buzzed and just someone who has that masculine appearance. Who can wrap his arms around me and be the protector, the man. We've also been talking for three months now and things just aren't moving along. Not that I really want them to move quickly, but we hang out all the time and the guy has yet to actually take me out on a date. Other than hung over trips to Burger King, I have not been out to dinner with guy. I have met his parents, I have had dinner with his parents. I have met practically his father's entire side of the family, over a funeral, a drunken wake, mind you, but this guy has yet to take me out on a solo one on one date and spend some one of one time with me in public.

Now I know that he is into me. This is not the issue. My issue is, since when do guys believe that hanging out constitutes dating? In my eyes this is not what dating is about. Dating is picking the girl up at her house, going out in public somewhere either for dinner, drinks, someplace exciting, but it was definitely planned by the date asker outer. You are dropped back off and home, walked slowly to your front door and exchange an awkward first date kiss. This to me is dating. Call me traditional but I believe that dating should still be this way in a sense. Now I am left to wonder how many times hanging out constitutes me having a talk about where I stand, where things are going or if I should leave my options open. I don't like to have to guess these things.

I think I've done enough contemplating for the night. I am going to try and finish another chapter in my Dear Jose book. I would really like to get it published soon so that I can try and solicit it to publishers or at least have a hard copy in my hands so I can cross another item off my anti-marriage list.