Hi, my name is...? Have we met?

So much updating to do and so little time. Isn't life always this way? My sister is in town! Yay! Her and the family are coming out to visit and finally bringing me a working television. I have been so busy with trying to organize my life that I haven't had time for television. To be honest, I don't even mind. I get so much more done without the distraction of the tv. I don't even think I am going to invest in cable. Why? Anything I need to know I can get from the internet and I have that so I am perfectly happy in my quiet and calm apartment. As Michelle Branch once said, I'm enjoying the quiet nights of this empty life! However, my life is anything but empty. It is so packed in fact, that I have no room for all my furniture and there simply are not enough hangers to display my most proud addiction.

On another note, Ryan is back in my life like a windstorm. He blew in so suddenly, caused a tornado for four days and today is the first day since Tuesday that I haven't seen him after work yet. I need sometime to think again, which I think was clearly indicated last night when we were together because he knew that something was wrong, which in fact there was something wrong. It was the smallest comment that sent my world into a tailspin again. Mind you, we had spent three amazing days and nights together. We were having a great time, getting along, he was being sincere, appreciative, I almost didn't know what to do with myself. We again had many discussions about us, and for the first time I felt that there actually was an "us" to talk about.

Last night we're out at the bar and he was talking about his friend and his fiance who was meeting us up there. He said she is cute but not gorgeous, she had short hair and he thought it made her look kind of like a chipmunk (yes I know, opinionated fucker isn't he?) He asked me if I ever had short hair, to which I replied yes. He looks at me and says, "I don't think I ever would have started talking to you if you had short hair and I wouldn't be with you if you did either." To this comment, I just did not know what to say. I just stared at him in disbelief. Was this the tequila talking or was he really this shallow? Not that I have any room to talk, I began talking to him based on looks alone as well but that is not the only thing that keeps me intrigued in a relationship. When I saw that he was serious I was beyond astounded. Here is a guy who after seven months knows me and my personality pretty well and it was obvious that the only reason he is with me is because I am attractive. I will not always be attractive. What happens when I am fifty and my skin begins to sag and wrinkle, my hair starts graying (even more than it is now) and I am no longer as fit and gorgeous? Will he leave me, divorce me, yada yada yada. I know I am getting WAY ahead of myself but girls want to be loved for who they are whether they are beautiful or not. I am an attractive person. I know this, the world can see this, but I don't let everyone see what is inside me and that is what makes me such a beautiful person, that is what makes everyone a beautiful person.

Does he know my favorite color? My favorite flower? Does he know that I love cupcakes, MMA fights, exotic dates and vacations. Does he know my middle name (if he didn't have facebook to look at)? Does he know what I am in school for, what I long to do with my life, how I take my coffee or how I am addicted to breakfast sandwiches and infectious laughter? Does he know me at all? Or does he just like me because I have a stable career, my own place and I'm pretty? Is our entire relationship based on aesthetics?

All I could envision in my head at this time was me running; running far and fast and never looking back. This morning, that is exactly what I did. I woke up, tip toed out the door and planned for an evening of fun with my family and people I have yet to meet.

I need to go and get ready for my family's arrival and tidy up a bit. I will update you tomorrow on more going on in my life I'm sure of it.