Dancing where the stars go blue

I still smell him everywhere. It is on my clothes, my sheets my pillows, the couch. I can never get that smell from my memory. Not the fighter, the tool box whom of which I had another amazing evening with the other day. I know why I am so addicted to him and why I cannot get him off my mind or out of my life. We went downtown the other night, nights like those that make me feel so free of responsibilities and allow me to just enjoy living in the moment. Sweaty, dancing in a crowded club much like we used to do in high school when we would sneak out of the house and trek downtown in a packed mini van to stay out until 3 am dancing the night away. After the clubs closed we danced in the fountain (cliche' maybe, sexy definitely!). Then off to my place where I sure you can use your imagination as to what proceeded to occur. It was the sensuous evening I longed for. The tenderness of his touch. The longing in his eyes. His desire encapsulated beneath the soft silk sheets draping over our bare skin. Him kissing every curve of my body and knowing how much he appreciates them. He makes me feel so desired, so wanted, so fantastic about myself that he laid any quandaries about my sex appeal to rest. At that moment I was what defined sex appeal. I realized also that I suppose what we have could be defined as an open relationship. Something I never wanted or thought that I would find myself in but I think that what we are doing defines the term. We are engaged in some sort of relationship. Whether I choose to believe it or acknowledge it. I see him, I date him, I "relation" with him and I am very open with him about my pursuit for a more appropriate suitor. Still in some weird way we have a love that some people would be envious of, a love that I am often envious of because I know it leaves as quickly as it comes. It is in those moments where he is staring at me while we are laying there, a stare that I catch him doing more often now, those blue eyes sparkling so bright I can see my reflection in them. It is in that moment that I wish I could be his forever. Shut out the rest of the world, and have it just be us. We have the most amazing connection we just have really bad timing.