I just pissed away the last two days of my life!

It is my last night of solitude. I cannot believe that I made it two nights, completely alone without becoming bored with myself. It is another things crossed off my list of things to do as well, spend a weekend alone. Even though it was not a weekend, it was still the same amount of time. In this time I have learned to actually enjoy spending time with myself doing absolutely nothing.

I spent the day watching the sun travel from one side of the lake to the other as I read Eat, Pray, Love, that I started to read last summer and am just NOW getting around to finishing. In my defense between moving twice and work and school this book was lost in transcendence for a small period of time. Nonetheless I find it ironic to be reading a book about a newly single divorce' trying to find herself in Italy, India and Indonesia. I may be thousands of miles away from all three of those places but it feels like I am thousands of miles from home even though I am not. All in all it was a great experience. I find myself feeling as if I maybe do not need all the answers right now. Why am I always trying to control things that I have no control over? I cannot control how people treat me, react to me or feel about me. Why do I spend so much time focusing on these things? They have nothing to do with me as a person. I should be focusing my time and energy on things that are important to me, things that make me who I am. I have found a new appreciation for myself that I hope to carry back with me in the three bags of luggage that I did not need to bring (a bag for clothes, a bag for beauty products and a handbag). No I am not a light packer.

One cannot see their true reflection in rushing water, but only water that is still. This is how my "weekend" has been. You cannot clear your head and alleviate your frustrations and still try to keep pace with the hustle and bustle of everyday life. This is why we do not have a seven day work week I presume. Everyone needs some time to get away, relax and reflect on their life and experiences. I'm hoping that this summer will prove to allow that since I have given myself weekends off. Still it is unfortunate that I need to go home tomorrow because I cannot avoid something in life such as bills and groceries and laundry. This are things I need to get done while I have some time to do it.

On a related note, for some reason, Toolbox kept texting me last night. His last text was to tell me goodnight and he asked me what time I was planning on coming home. I told him Wednesday and I haven't heard from him today. I wonder why I keep crossing his mind and why now after yet again another two week hiatus he wants to see me. I'm just not going to text him tomorrow, see if he texts me and asks if I'm home. The last time this happened was when he started to get all mushy and googly eyed again and I just can't deal with that right now. In fact I just don't want to deal with any of it! Then again, it's back to reality tomorrow and perhaps that is the reality of the situation!