Self Checkout for One please

I loathe grocery shopping. I was never one of those children that loved going to the store with their mothers. Not because I didn't get along with her, but because I did not want to stand around in a isle with 100 different varieties of cereal trying to choose between which one was healthy and which was on sale. Feeding a family of five, and a dog, I give my mother credit because I know that my grocery experiences cause a dent in my own bank account and I am single. I am also a vegetarian, which makes everything a little more expensive. Still, with a $200 a month grocery bill, I could be driving a really nice car right now AND be skinny. Perhaps I should just stop eating.

I remember the first time I went grocery shopping WITH a boyfriend and not FOR a boyfriend. It was such an exciting experience. Picking out what he and I both like and choosing between those items that one or the other didn't like. It was a bonding experience. It made me feel closer to him. I felt as if everyone would stare at us as we walked down those isles, him pushing the cart, thinking to themselves how lucky we are to be in love and so happy.

Even when I would grocery shop alone, I was still shopping FOR someone. People could look inside of my cart and see the Bud light case and hungry man dinners and know that I was not single. Now my cart is filled with single lean cuisine dinners and grocery shopping has become an experience I still remain indifferent too.

On one end, I get to be selfish which I am great at doing. I get to buy what I want. I don't have to worry about what someone else doesn't like to eat. If I want to buy ten frozen dinners because I loathe cooking I can do so. On the other end, grocery shopping is a reminder that I am alone. It is no longer a fun experience to share with someone as a stepping stone in a relationship, it is now a chore. Something that I have to do and I am reminded that I have to do it ALONE. I have to load the groceries into my car and come home and try and carry eight bags in one trip up three flights of stairs because I am too lazy to make more than one trip.

Perhaps I should be happy I only have to pay for one to eat around here. One day that bill will double and even though I will get to experience it with someone, I will still complain about it.