oooohhhhhmmmmm

I dragged my friend Carrie to a hot yoga class this morning. It is the practice of power flow yoga in a 90 degree room. It was on my list of things to try and she happened to be the person I suckered to try it with me. All in all, it was a fantastic experience. One that her and I are going to start doing together on a weekly basis. However, during the experience of becoming one with your body and your thoughts, the yogi, or spiritual guide said something today that really struck home with me. She said, let go of what you expect will come. If you hold on too tightly to these expectations, you will not be ready for the actual events that are going to transpire in your life. What a powerful and truthful statement. People are always worrying so much about their future and get so caught up in planning that they get completely side tracked when the unexpected happens in their life. I realized today that I used to be this type of person. I always had a plan for my life. I always had to stay on track and in one moment, a single curveball cost me a lot of time money and energy to pick myself off the broken path and continue on my journey. Perhaps if I had not been so focused I could have seen the foreshadowing of what was to come.

I think that this is why I am content with my life at the moment. I am not worrying about my future, in the sense that I am open to new and exciting experiences. I am open and willing to new ideas and future endeavors. I will continue on my path, on my journey that I have pre planned for myself, but I will remain open to what could come and not have any expectations for a future that I cannot know about until it is the present. Perhaps if this is the zen-ful way that people live their lives, their pasts shall not be so rocky and their present will be meaningful in so many ways.

I know what is best for my own life. A powerful statement said to me by a medium that I wrote about in a previous blog. I will refuse to let the anger and negativity of others bring me down because I do not care what others think of my path because it is my own. Walk your talk. Do not criticize others for how you feel you should be living your own life. F

approval

I wish you could see how much of a double standard you are. I wish you could see how much your actions effect the mood and rationale of other people in your life. I wish you could see that it is your actions that push people away from you, that make them withdraw themselves from your life and not want to speak to you either. Your approval is no longer needed or necessary. We are all adults. Adults who will live our lives whether you agree with our method or not. Because we are happy and somehow between the disapproving snotty stares and evil glances, we have learned that it is personal happiness the equates to more in life than winning over your inner desires. I am no psychologist, nor will I pretend that my brief education of it can figure out what often times runs through your mind but one day I wish someone would stand up to you and tell you what your reflection most often shows.

Tipping the Scale

Maybe it is because I am a libra, maybe a women, either way I'm going to blame this one on the cosmos. More often than not, my greatest struggle in life is one with balance. If my life is ouy of balance then my life is in turmoil and I tend to have a pretty difficult day. I try to balance my personal life, which includes friends either in person or just reconnecting during my hour drive home on my cell phone, family and dating. Family, which is easier to balance now that I live back at home for the time being and am able to see them everyday, and dating, well dating for me will forever be complicated. Then there is my work life. Trying to manage a undertrained and determined staff, and a boss who could possibly think the same about me. I work with hot heads, flakes and detailed orientated people all in one office and I feel that I am the most even keeled somehow have to manage being the balance between them all. Then I manage my school life. Class, late night study sessions and papers that I put off until the last minute because I am well versed and am able to do so. Then I try and balance myself. There is so much that I as a person would like to do and trying to accomplish this list of things to do is forever difficult. This goes without saying the traditional everyday personal things that I must do but then an added difficulty in balancing out the things that I want to do. Such as finishing my book, blogging, working out, tanning and most importantly: sleeping.

Lately I have had an increasing difficulty in finding a balance between all of these things that I want to do in life and have to do. My number one focus should be on myself. What I want and what I don't but I never really realized how crazy my life gets if I neglect even one aspect of all of the things in my life that I have to balance between.

For instance, family. I love my sister dearly and miss her terribly and I know that she is lonely being with only her boyfriend in Chicago. As much as she calls and we stay in touch, I have only been able to manage to return her phone calls 50% of the time because I spend my time home in the car talking to my boss who seems to have more to tell me that just can't wait until I get into the office the next day.

With work, my boss keeps dumping so much new work on me that needs to be done at a prompt matter, that I am neglecting my own personal compiled list of things that I have to get done. When they don't get finished or they do just half assed because I am rushing, telling your boss that you would have got it done if she would have given you an opportunity to finish is not a good excuse. So work has been increasingly stressful because I respect authority and apologize and pretend everything to be my fault even when it is not.

With my personal life, dating and balancing friendships becomes harder each week. I have a lot of friends all of whom do not always hang out together and I make plans with those that ask me to do things in advance. If I am not "scheduled" to do something then I like to live my life at random and do the first thing that pops up that sounds fun. People seem to be starting to take it personally, more as I am blowing them off. I am not blowing you off, I am busy and you were not very quick on your mark. As mentioned in my previous blog, "gentleman, hanging out is not a DATE and I will date those that actually ask me out on a date." If you just ask to "hang out" if I am not busy then ok, but plans with friends and guys who respect me enough to take me to dinner or what not, will always get my attention first.

Well blog, I am just venting some steam here and I have been typing for a while and I would like to write another chapter in my Dear Jose book. I have set a goal to have it written and published before December 4th. Lindsay has planned a cookie exchange and wine tasting party for us girls and I would love to be able to surprise them with the book. So next week is my deadline to have it done so it has time to get to me.

Anti dating

My dating life is often a topic that includes much hilarity among my friends and I. I for one, have normally been in relationships, along with my girlfriends, so I am navigating through this thing called dating in the dark. Luckily for me, since I seem to not be very good at it, I can ignore the so called dating rules and let loose and just have fun. However, it brings me to wonder what dating truly constitutes these days. My girlfriends and I sit back and ponder these questions over endless phone calls and bottles of wine, analyzing text messages and actions. I went out on what my friend Kenny and I called an "antidate" two weeks ago. Neither one of us in relationships, but wanted to go to eat sushi and see a movie, we called upon each other to escape the bellowing stares of how odd it would have looked if we would have flown solo. It was not a date, but it was actually more of a resemblance of a date than what I have done with guys I'm actually "dating." To me hanging out is hanging out. If you are not asking me out to the cliche dinner and a movie or to hang out with you solo, then hanging out is not a date. I think that guys need a lesson on dating because girls will not think it is a date unless you pick them up, in your car and drive, take them somewhere where it is just the two of you, drop them off and walk them to the door narrowly escaping the awkward first date kiss. Anything else is not a date, it is two people who like to hang out simply doing just that "hanging out." So don't get mad when we make other plans, are hanging out with other people, or are actually going on dates with other guys. If you're not asking, neither are we. My guy friends complain to me constantly about how women are so complicated and they wish that they had a manual that came with us. We are not the complicated, we are not that hard to read, and surprisingly enough we take a lot of things at face value. It is what it is and unless you say you want a particular situation to change, we aren't bringing up the conversation. I think I'm going to write another book when I finish my dear Jose book about my dating adventures and I'll call it He's just THAT into you. Sometimes women are just as oblivious to the obvious as men and I'm beginning to fall into that category myself.