What's for Dinner?

Grilled Zucchini Pizza! This is what I am attempting to make for dinner tonight. If I ever make it to the grocery store today!

How cool!

I don't know where I could possibly incorporate this into my place, but I think this is the coolest ever! Chalkboard paint! I want!

What I have to keep telling myself as the bills keep rolling in!

a little unpacking break

I need to take a break from the endless amount of clothes I am desperately trying to find space for. Even with a walk in closet, two dressers, a washer and dryer closet (that I am now using for clothes), and a coat closet, I still do not have space for everything I own. Time to get rid of a few things I think.

Anyway, I am officially in Columbus in my new wonderful apartment that is too expensive. Of course I am so excited to decorate it and make it super cute and adult like. So I have been perusing the internet in my "free" time and finding things I love and want want want! Like this chair for my desk that will go perfect with my bedroom set!

Only $169.99 from Target!!! Not going to race out and buy it just yet. First is the kitchen, dining and living room. I've never had space to have a kitchen and this is what I am going to do with it.

Green! (To the left there). I'm going to get the flowers for the counter and the glass containers to put kitchen things in lol. I decided that on the side wall I will put my small wine rack and small paintings. Then above the dining room table I am going to hang six white asymmetrical frames. I think it will look adorable! Never have I been so excited to decorate.

Now if only there was more green in my wallet to match my kitchen!

The Post Party Girl Project

I've had a lot of BIG changes occurring in my life over the course of the last two and a half weeks. Not only was I not delusional, because the roofer and I called it quits (a rant in and of itself so don't get me started), but I am also moving to Columbus to take a job. I finally had enough of my boss's insane control freak of a husband and took the plunge and applied to one of the top gyms in the region and the best in the state. Lo and behold, I got the job. Without sounding too arrogant, I knew I would, which is why I had put off applying for so long. For some reason I just wasn't ready to pick my life up and move, and for whatever reason, about a month ago I was. Even though the roofer gave me a bit of a kick in the pants, his location had nothing to do with it. Yes, it would have been nice because we would have been closer but that is neither here nor there now.

As nervous as I am, I am beyond excited to start a new life. Because that is what this is. Yes I have been out on my own for over a year, but I am in Lakewood. Forty five minutes from my parents, fifteen from most friends and I have never NOT had anything to do because I didn't know someone. Even though I won't be far, I will now be two hours away. There will be no just getting in the car to come home for the day or friends just happening to be in the area and stopping by. So for me this is a small stone to a bigger one in the pond of growing up in life.

Thus the post party girl project I am about to embark on. It comes as no surprise that as of late I have been this carefree party girl. I leave the house on a wimb, leave high heels scattered, leftover taco bell on the counter for three days and my life is always chaotic and in shambles. I wonder why I feel so scattered and why I can't find a husband. I long to be a more sophisticated adult and I figured now will be the perfect time to do it.

So part one of the project: Cute adult apartment. I am getting rid of the clutter and everything will be organized properly and have a place. Then the decorating will begin. And since I am broke, I will explore thrift shops and T.J MAXX.

Part two: Update wardrobe: And how do I do this cost effectively? LOSE 20 lbs. I have all these adorable classic pencil skirts and button downs and dress pants that I would love to wear on a regular basis to look more sophisticated but I need to lose about ten pounds to feel comfortable and 20 to feel sexy in them. So DIET! I am actually going to attempt to COOK. Yes, me cook right lol. But I am.

I am going to be a cooking cleaning dieting, working out, organized MACHINE!!! And I'm going to be fit and I'm going to use my free time to take care of myself, to write (maybe I will FINALLY finish editing by book)! And maybe eventually that great guy that I have been searching for will finally come into my life. Because the great thing about starting over is having the ability to start again and finally let go of the things in your life that have been weighing you down that you didn't even know. Like ties with exes, or best friends that keep dragging you out on Tuesday nights.

I don't want to anticipate or overly expect things to be amazing when I could very well hate it. But I have a good feeling about this. Like I am getting a push from someone to make this move. And for some reason I feel like it will be amazing.

New adventures

Ok, I think I need to officially check myself before I wreck myself...because it turns out that the dear "roofer" was simply having phone trouble which is why I have not really heard from him for a few days. He called tonight. Making me feel like a complete idiot for jumping to conclusions, listening to sad 80's music and thinking I had done something. Love literally makes you crazy I suppose.

I am about to embark on a new phase in life and I have a multitude of mixed emotions that I am dealing with at the moment. I am heading to Columbus for the next fews days to work at one of thee best gyms in the region. I am praying that they offer me a job and if they do I am about to leave the solitude of neighbors who party loudly til 3am, a schizophrenic neighbor and the glares of the "gayto" neighbors. But I am truly excited. I am excited to be in a new city, to meet new people, to get away from my insane bosses. As much as I will miss my family and friends, I feel in my heart that this is the next best thing for my life at the moment. Wish me luck. I will literally "keep you posted."

Thoughts

Sometimes I should not be allowed to have access to Merlot, music by Roxette and my contacts list. This is one of those nights. A night that after this weekend I am second guessing everything. If this fight is worth while, if nothing is what it seems. If you actual listen to the hidden messages within the words that you truly hear. When you realize that maybe all along he is telling you all you need to know but you are so lost in the moment that you choose to ignore it. That you think maybe just once the romance will happen to you, you will be the exception to the rule. In reality you are just not actually listen to him try to push you away and you look like the fool for staying, for thinking you are capable of making things work when you are three hours apart when in reality you are just a beautiful distraction of the moment. You are just someone who makes it convenient, that makes him believe in possibilities and not understand the chaos that he was getting into.

It is clear that I am just a "friend" with possibility. An option, not a priority and if I would have just listened then I would have realized it from the moment that we first met. That I was an unexpected surprise and that I do not fit into the five year plan that is filled with "I's" and not "we's", that this word does not even enter into his vocabulary. All the words swirling through my head, "don't believe in marriage," "won't get lost in love" " don't know where I'll be." The signs are there and once again the realization of them have finally hit and I am again second guessing, running, forgetting, giving up...

A quote I saw tonight that hit home.

"I need to come to realize that he is just a guy, a special one, maybe, but he is not mine. I don't need to do things to make him love me. If he wanted to, he just would."

or this one...

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the biggest fool of all? The girl who could not stop crying? Or the one who never stopped trying."