One of my favorite fairy tales growing up was Snow White. Don't get me wrong, it held no comparison to Cinderella, but it was still a fairy tale that I grew up watching multiple variations of. As a child fairy tales meant something completely different to me than they do now as an adult who has studied her fair share of literature and has had the idea of a "deeper meaning" engrained into my mind by professors. As a child they were just princesses. Beautiful women who were hated for their beauty but in the end true love, decent humanity and beauty always dominated over evil queens and step mothers.
Today I find myself contemplating the deeper meaning of the looking glass in my own fairy tale. After having a brief conversation with my mother the other day and thinking as I got off the phone with her how her oppinnions can be so cold and relentless sometimes, she made a very good point. Her question to me was "where do you see yourself in five years?" To be quite honest, I had no answer. I didn't see myself in five years. I hardly saw myself today. If you asked me five years ago if where I was standing at that moment had been part of my plan, I would have said no. Did I think it was a possibility? Of course, but did I see it happening? Did I take calculated measures to ensure it? No. It just happened.
Like the many years behind me in life, I have not made a concrete plan for anything. Part of that has to do with my faith in fate and destiny. I believe that I am where I am for a reason whether known or unknown and I trust that the people and things placed in my path are to strengthen my faith, test my patience and guide me to the ultimate end of my life. I just trust that things will work out and be ok. If I need something, I throw that need into the universe and somehow things workout for the best. I know that seems like a silly way to live life but it's worked.
Looking back at previous blogs I have accomplished a lot of short term goals I set out for myself. Five years ago to this day I was miserable. Horrible boyfriend, bartending, broke, living at home with my parents, no credit, and I had an old rusty car (that I was thankful for).
Today I am working my dream job (maybe not ideal job but a job with a gym I had only dreamed of ever working at). I own my new car (well in 21 more payments). I have a beautiful apartment BY MYSELF in Columbus and I get to wake up to coffee in bed and sunshine every morning. I have wonderful friends and my relationship with my family couldn't be better. If you would have asked me five years ago if this was where I saw myself, I couldn't have answered yes.
Because often times that question lies within the looking glass. Sometimes what we see when we look in the mirror is beautiful. And then sometimes those that we love the most points out of the features reflected in that mirror that aren't so beautiful. It angers us, and we do whatever we can to change that reflection. For me, as much as I hate my mother always being right, it's making a plan.
So I sat down today to truly ask myself what I want in the next five years. I'm going to write it down and throw it out in the universe and work hard on my own merit to get it. My birthday is coming up in two weeks and I always feel that the year starts on your birthday and not on the new year. I celebrate a "new year" on the day I was born. And indicative to that, I always make a list on my blog about what I am going to try and accomplish in the next year. Sometimes I succeed at a few things and sometimes I don't at all. My reflection is of a girl who is now going into her late twenties, with grace and style but not two pennies to rub together and a lot of "I will's, I wants, one days, and maybes." I'm tired of seeing that reflection and it's time to change that this year."
So for the goals.
In the next year. I want to have a majority of my debt paid off. If this means I'm going to have to spend less time coming home for visits and more time doing private lessons and working a second job, it's time to put my money where my savings account is. I want to continue on this healthy path and lose all this extra weight. As my previous post stated I have been doing Insanity and I plan on sticking to it. No more working out for a few days and then losing track. I want to finish my book. I'm tired of talking about it and it's time to just DO IT. I want to cross more things off my leap list. Spice things up, add some adventure, meet new friends, as I haven't really solidified a life here and I need to because this works into my five year plan...
In five years, I want to still be at my company. I want to coach through the next Olympics. I want to see one of our very own make it and I want to travel to Brazil to cheer her on and be apart of something people only dream of. And since I know I am where I want to be for at least the next four years. I want to slowly finish school and find a career I am passionate about so that I can reduce myself to being a part time coach working because it's my passion and not because I need it to pay my rent. I want all my student loans paid off. I want my car paid off and I want an upgrade, to a beamer, more like a mercedes (white). I want a house. Or at least something with two bedrooms and a huge walk in closet. I want to get married. But I don't want children at least for another five years. I want to be married by 30. I want to enjoy some time with my husband and then I want to start having children around 32. Hopefully my five year goals will be accomplished and the time will be right. I want a boston terrior. I want to travel more. I want to spend more time with people I love and keep experiencing great things in life. Because when I am old and gray, I highly doubt I will look back and wish I had made more money or say I wish I worked more. I don't want my response to be that I wish I had spent more time with friends and family and more time learning and growing and loving. I want to live life to the fullest.
The mental list is bigger, but I want to keep evolving and one day I hope that the only reflection I see in my looking glass is a good one. I will be twenty seven this year. I no longer consider that old or like I don't have enough time. I look at it as the age of opportunity. The age where I am young enough to still make mistakes but old enough to have the wisdom to change what it is I don't like about my life.
Here's to 2012! The year starts again in two weeks! Cheers to a good one!
