There is a saying that there are two tragedies in life; one is to lose your heart's desire and the other is to gain it. I feel that people spend an awfully lot of time wishing. We wish for more money, more clothes, more shoes, a better car, a better life. Whatever your vice is, we tend to always want more of it. Sometimes we wish more organic things and what could be more organic than raw love?
I find it funny how single people complain about being lonely until they are in a relationship and then they complain about being in a relationship. I have been completely guilty of this as well. The grass is always greener right? But often times I have found that we have complaints about relationships most often when we don't have particular standards for ourselves in those relationships.
As women we are always being told to follow rules. Don't go out with him if doesn't solidify plans by Wednesday, but don't go out with him if he calls the next day because he's too eager then and who wants a stage five clinger? Always let him pay, but you should offer so you don't look like a gold digger, and if he agrees to go dutch then you should just high tail it out of there because he only wants one thing.
All of these "rules" are frankly quite dizzying and I'll be honest, I have been following and NOT following these rules for about the last five years and none of it has done me any good. I am no dating expert but can we please just take men out of the equation for a minute.
Bottom line, plain and simple, up front and honest; you are never going to get what you want if you don't know what YOU want and if you don't know what you want then you can't communicate that to a significant other and it's NEVER going to work out. NEVER. Not under any circumstance. I'm sorry but men will jump through only so many hoops and as much as you want to think that you're shit don't stink, everybody's does when they eat the wrong lunch that day so get over yourself.
I need to get over myself. In the movie...something, "the wallflower" they say that every women has the love life that she thinks she deserves (and actually that was first seen in the Wedding Date, but I think the book came first and they stole it from there). There is a profound truth in that. In your mind, you may think that you deserve a lot more than you portray that you do. Hence the not knowing what you want.
So do yourself and your dating life a favor. Pour yourself a bottle (oops I mean glass), of wine. Put on some red lipstick so you feel sexy and get to writing. Write down what you want. Write down what you don't want. Write down your personal deal breakers. Write down what you are willing and NOT willing to put up with in what is supposed to be titled "your better half." At the end of the day, that is what a relationship should be. The person that you give your energy too, that you sacrifice for, should be your better half and do the same for you. If you're in a relationship and they don't, STOP. If they step their game up and earn your love and respect then they deserve a place in your life. If they don't, it may hurt, it may suck, you may cry and find strength in that bottle of wine but soon you will be over it. I would much rather be heartbroken for two weeks or two months than live two years of being treated how I do not deserve to be treated. People who deserve to be in your life will rise to meet your expectations or they will move on and you should do the same.
