Kelly Clarkson - Addicted

Perfect lyrics for previous said post

Help Me

I need to blog this out for a minute:

You show up at my door at 4 am because I have done nothing but blow you off for two weeks because that was my plan. To say goodbye. A plan that I concocted alone without your permission and a mission that you were not going to allow without your consent. You said everything I needed to hear. That I am amazing and gorgeous and you are not deserving. That it will never work because I am superwoman and you are kryptonite but for some reason you cannot leave. You are drawn to me and me to you. A force that neither of us can recognize, one that neither of us will submit entirely too. I know you are wrong, bad, not the one for me. Because if you were Mr. Right, I would not be out searching for him, hoping for him, praying for him, and losing faith that he does not exist. Coming up with reasons why fate has drawn us together, why fate never keeps us apart for long and contemplating why you are in my life. I go through stages of anger, hurt, denial, fear, love, longing, lust. I wait for those moments when you wear your heart on your sleeve and you give me a drip, a taste, of how you feel. Enough to leave me satisfied but still yearning for more. Still fighting for your love, your desire. I fight with my emotions, my sanity, my clarity. I argue with my subconscious. He is wrong, he is bad, but you love him, you want him, you need him, he needs you. I know that this is not how love is supposed to feel but maybe this is exactly what love is. Not materialistic but animalistic. It is a force that pulls you together when nothing else does. A feeling, a notion, an inclination a fate that is so strong that it is the only thing that binds. Maybe it is settling, but maybe settling is never feeling the strong connection that we share. Every time I try and walk away I cannot move. Like stone, my feet are frozen. I gain the strength to walk past you, through you and yet I still feel you there. The strongest presence that has ever existed in my life. I cannot rid myself of you and for that there must be a reason. Please someone tell me why this reason is. Without judgement, without harassment, without persecution. Help me to understand, help me to reason and help me find the strength to either forgive and wait or to let him go

Kris Allen - Apologize [Studio]

I have always loved this song. the one republic version, not so much the Timbaland edit. But this is by far my favorite re-make thus far!

Change

Lots of thoughts swirling through my head. I will look back on this post and remember this decision, this moment of clarity and realization. Nothing happened, we had a fantastic day, as we always do when it is time to let go. Because that is how one should let go, in an amazing way. In a way that warms your heart and not in a way that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. I am not even going to say goodbye, because I don't need to so I am just going to write it as I would say it and then disappear.

My Goodbye

I may not know love, but I know that falling in love does not hurt, and so that is not what this is. In fact, you typically have me falling to pieces. And so I can't take another step towards you because I know that all that is waiting is regret. For what I know will never come and I have to stop holding on to the delusion that one day it will. So if this is giving up, then I am giving up. Because if you knew better, then maybe you would do better. But I cannot allow myself another moment of wasted time for you to figure that out. You cannot love me if you do not love yourself, and that is something that you have to find on your own, without me there to guide you. I learned this lesson months ago and I should have said this months ago, but for some reason I didn't. I needed to know that you chose me, that you would always come back and for that I was selfish but for that I am satisfied and now I am ready. Ready to let you go and ready for so much more. I cannot be your happiness. I cannot be your anything. I just need to be me, and for someone that will be enough, it just won't be you.

Clink

Here's a toast for all you men, who think we will love you again and again! But tonight you found, we'll stand our ground, and screw your best friend instead!

*Hypothetically speaking, it just rhymed, don't go jumping to conclusions!

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts Official Video

Obsessing over this song right now...especially given my current love situation that I am constantly in an internal debate over at the moment.

Depression? Or am I just not that cool anymore?

I'm not sure when it hit me today. Perhaps it was around noon. I had already spent three hours dictating to children, running on about four hours of sleep from the night before and that is when I realized I was probably going to trade my Louboutins for my linens on a Saturday night. So I came home from work and I went to bed.

On one hand it feels amazing. I had many options of things to do tonight and I chose to stay home and do nothing so that I could have a productive Superbowl Sunday and a productive start to my week. However, I can't help but wonder if this is the epitome of getting old.

Timer

I'm going a little bit stir crazy tonight. Whether it is because of the "storm of the century" making it seem impossible to do anything but stay in, or the fact that I am sick and have literally had three glasses on non decaffeinated green tea, either way, crazy I tell you. Besides, why waste time tomorrow when I can waste perfectly good time right now.

Typically when I am at this stage of insomnia and boredom, I would call someone, or smoke a cigarette, or do both at the same time. But this terrible chest pain and sore throat has me wanting to do neither and neither is what I have done for two days. The nicotine withdraw is killing me. But I said I was going to quit anyway to train for this marathon so I suppose now is as good of time as any. Besides I think it is killing me more that I cannot work out.

So I am a sucker for Independent romantic movies and I watched one tonight called Timer. It was about a company who found a way for you to be implanted with a timer that would tell you the exact day and time that you met the person you were supposed to be with. This all depended on whether or not your future husband/wife also had an implant, and if for whatever reason they did not, your time would not have gone off yet and you would be wandering around aimlessly wondering everyday if your soul mate that you knew was still out there was ever going to get a damn timer! It was a cute, made you wonder, kind of film. Perfect for a snowy evening, sick and alone with green tea and insomnia. Which got me thinking...would you get a timer? If you had the ability to know the exact day and time of the meeting between you and the person you would spend your life with, would you want to? Could you live with a blank timer on your wrist, just wondering if the day would ever come when your soulmate would want to know if you were out there as well? I had to think about this for a minute. I have wasted my fair share of time with the wrong men. But in retrospect, was it really all that bad? All that wasted time? Was it really even "wasted." I have met a lot of great people along this journey of life. I have had some great experiences and I am young and still hopeful for so many more. So would I really want a timer? Hell yes! I am just that noisy!

I'm going to go and read, do some more shopping online and dream of sea breezes and sandals as spring approaches (hopefully sooner than later)!