Tiffany Dunn - Too Bad I Love You

Totally digging this new artist!

The happy place

Sometimes you do not need to know everything. You don't need to know what path you are heading down, you don't need to keep questioning it or over-analyzing it. You don't need to ask yourself what you are doing. Sometimes you just need to let it unfold. Know that you are in the position you are in for a reason and trust that it is for the right one and have the strength to walk away if it is not.

I believe there is a actual quote to my own version in this similar statement; that he who is without foreseen knowledge is happy. We all know those people. Those that deal with problems as they arise, pay bills when they call to say they are late and simply enjoy day to day living without thinking about tomorrow because they know it is not guaranteed and should just enjoy the moment.

Sometimes we should all strive to be this type of person. Happy in the moment and not seek to destroy that happiness with information that we really don't need at that time.

Maybe the "happy place" is the space we create where we focus on nothing but what is occurring right now, in the moment. Slow kisses, soft snowfall or warm sunshine on your face. Why do we constantly worry about the future. When the kisses will be gone, when the snow will turn to blizzards and when the sunshine to snow. Why can't we just enjoy the moment? We should all try and do this today.

Deep in Thought

The question I am pondering tonight:

"Maybe there is no such thing as "fate" or destiny." Maybe we simply see the "signs" we wish to see, and ignore the ones that we don't.

Can you tell that I have spent the day on an emotional roller coaster? Because I have. I don't see my ride coming to end anytime soon. If anything it is only the beginning.

Believe

I was closing the gym last night when I received a phone call that had me feel a variety of emotions within the short three minute phone conversation. It was close to 9:30, and I was exhausted and trying to help one of my co-workers gather up the many items her wonderful daughter scatters throughout her hours spent there, and trying to help another with some office questions. The phone rings and I was reluctant to answer, as I was sure I couldn't be much assistance with computers finally off and if by chance it was an angry parent, catching me after nine and a half hours of work was in noway a good time to have a conversation. But to my surprise it was a 14 year old girl who simply said, "Hi, I would like to be on your team." After gathering some back information, this girl was at another gym involved in an optional program ( a relatively new program for students "too old" by competitive standards, still talented nonetheless and basically still willing to shell out money when it could be better served going towards a college fund). This girl was addemant and I of course had to tell her, that yes, she was too old for our J.O program, but perhaps she could fit into our prep optional program and she should come in to be evaluated.

I realize that this does not seem like a significant conversation, but it was what she said next that really hit a soft spot that I have always had for the over achiever, the underdog and the ambitious.

"I know that I am older, but I have four years until I graduate. I will work so hard. I want to be a college gymnast and compete for either Kent or Ohio state. I know that you need to be at least a level 10, but I really think that I can do it if someone will give me the chance."

Yes, this girl, whom I have never met pulled at my heartstrings because I have heard this time and time before and I know what I will have to say to her on Monday. That realistically this is not going to happen. That less than 3% of gymnasts receive college scholarships and that most would have been near a college level at half her age for an opportunity like this.

Then I began to think about how pathetic that is for me to judge her. Who am I, even as a professional in my business, to tell someone what they cannot achieve in life. Why does age have to be so indicative of what we will accomplish. I have found myself feeling down and out recently because of my 25th birthday. That I have let time pass me by and I have wasted most of it, and that I am becoming too old to accomplish some of the things I long to in life.

Hogwash!!! Senior citizens are climbing Mount Everest, 40 year old mothers of three are reaching amazing fitness goals and becoming world fitness models, the list could go on forever. Who am I to say that with the right mindset and someone to believe in her, this girl could not walk on to one of those gymnastics teams in four years? Why are we so quick to tell others what will be impossible for them to accomplish?

Never limit yourself. Never let someone else tell you what you can and cannot accomplish at any age. Never. Plain and simple.

Today...

Things I loved about today:

Gay men who do amazing jobs threading your eyebrows

memoirs

bookstore coffee

Soft snowflakes in your hair

Hearing from cute doctors ;)

hugs

Taffeta (lots of taffeta)

Things I didn't love about today:

Range Rovers who park in two parking spots (crooked) with 4 ft of their SUV sticking out

Facebook relationship statuses (how lame)

So much snow it takes an hour to find a lane on the road

No more chocolate pieces left in my Special K cereal :(

*I'd say all and all it was a pretty decent day!

You win again Insomnia

So they added another Stats class. Maybe God just likes to test my patience and persistence. I was so stressed out I could not sleep last night, which made me realize that I need to stop trying to control every outcome and manipulate it the way I want it to go. I need to relax and just let it happen, realize that at the end of the day, laying in bed at midnight, there is nothing that I can do at that moment to change the outcome of my day. All I can do is get a good nights sleep, wake up and try again in the morning. In actuality, what is really happening is that I am so stressed out, I can't sleep and then I can't get up early because I am so exhausted, then I get nothing done before work and the cycle starts all over again. I need to focus my priorities here. AND WILL SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME DAMN AMBIEN HERE!

life

"I wish to wander through a field full of yellow daisies, as the sun dances upon my bare skin. Worry not about where life is headed but dream of nothing but where I have been."

Mockery

Do all things really happen for a reason? Does God, or a higher power put boulders in our way to see at which lengths we will travel to go around them or move them? I'm starting to wonder. I decided to go back to school (mainly to avoid paying back student loans), but either way I re-enrolled. Or so I had thought. I had a hold on my account because they thought I never returned an organic kit model kit over a year prior! Really school? Yes, let me tell you, I secretly always wanted a molecular model kit so that I could build shot glasses out of the oxygen symbol! Why on Earth would I keep such a thing? Well I didn't because when I called today they had found it. Little too late, because while there was a break and there was no one there to answer the phones, the class I tried to enroll in was FILLED!

I would seriously like to point my finger at the God's above who make a mockery out of the irony of my life.

I get what you are saying Universe! "Shit or Get off the Pot!" As my mother says. Now, you have my attention, please be my guest and tell me what it is that you want me to do with my life? Since obviously it is not to take statistics!

Lecture me again about how reckless I have been!

I am obsessed with this new song by Jamie Foxx (shown below), love love love it!

Jamie Foxx - Fall For Your Type ft. Drake

Midnight Ramblings

Welcome to 2011. I don't know why we feel like with the ringing in of a new year everything in our lives will magically change. Like things magically start fresh when in actuality it is just a continuation of our lives. The only thing that has changed is the date on the calendar, perhaps you had to buy a new one. This happens frequently. Nothing is different. You are left with the realization that change begins when you say it will, not with the stroke of midnight.

Present day; this is where I am. Sitting in bed, blogging near midnight thanks to insomnia because of my mid day nap. My stomach in flip flops from eating beef today, something I rarely do and my body is responding negatively to it. Ugh no more beef. I am still carrying around the extra twenty pounds I have emptied my wallet trying to take off and though my goals for this year have carried over from the last I am hoping each moment for the will power, the motivation, the desire to actually make them happen.

I have been devoid of any significant and true relationship for over a year now. Been on my own for almost the same amount of time. And though I have truly grown into the person I am in this last year alone, and have enjoyed the company of myself, a bottle of Merlot and netflix, I would be lying if I said that it isn't beginning to get lonely. You begin to miss the companionship of another human being on a level that only the two of you can understand. You begin to forget how comforting it is at times to wake up to having someone there to steal the covers from and someone who awakes at the sudden movement and wraps their arms around you to calm you, to ease you, to say without speaking that is alright to fall back asleep without hitting snooze. I find it mesmerizing how we always long for the things that we do not have at a particular moment. I used to love waking up alone. Checking my email while drinking a hot pot of coffee, not leaving the comfort of my bed for at least an hour before it was actually time to get up and begin my day. I longed for mornings when I was able to do this independently, without asking someone else if they wanted two creams or what we were going to have for breakfast. Now I literally find myself in an intricate menage a trois with my Mac Book, my blackberry and my coffee grinder dreaming of my life to be more interesting to stop lacking such substance.

When did I turn into such a cynic on the topic of love? I spent ten years in on again off again romances filled with passion, abandonment, love, betrayal, emotion, with man after man who believed in their hearts that they could not go on living if it meant doing so without me and now I am contemplating if this love exists. If a human being is capable of loving another more than themselves. If people are walking around settling and if perhaps the argument exists that I could have been just as happy in doing so as I am here at this moment, alone. I understand why we are so confusing as a monogamous culture. Why there are people out there whom of which do not believe in love.

I am excited for a new day. For these thoughts to be gone with sleep and for errands to be run with affirmation that I am a sane and ambitious person who put love second to herself and should have to make no justification in doing so. (Yes I realize the only person I am having to justify this too is myself). Someday soon I hope to finally believe so.