The clock has starting ticking and the official two week countdown until the big move has begun. It's getting a little frustrating trying to pack while still spending time in two different homes and on top of that trying to find a job. I have not at all been myself lately. I have not been going to the gym and I have so much to do that I just get overwhelmed and find myself doing nothing instead. I'm ready for my life to be in one place and just have things settled down again and get back to my usual routine.
I'm beginning to get really nervous about entering the world of the unemployed. I have decided to give up my career of elite coaching and to go back to school and try and find administration work in the mean time to help pay the bills. It seems to be quite competitive these days and people want people with direct experience in the business. I've never not been employed. I have always had opportunities open before I have left previous positions and this is the first time that it isn't happening that way. Even though the darling hubby is completely supportive, it starts to get more annoying than anything the more he keeps saying that it "will all be okay". Of course for him it is okay. He isn't the one moving to a new city, quitting his job, giving up his apartment and essentially the life he created for himself.
I had a bit of a breakdown the other day and gave myself a solid ten minutes to feel sorry for myself before I snapped out of it. I had always told myself that I would not make decisions this big based on love and love alone again. I would want a solid commitment before I made such a drastic life change. Though he has never even thought of living with a girlfriend, which means this is a big commitment to him, from someone, like myself, who has lived with a boyfriend before I feel that it's not as big of a commitment as he thinks it is. It's easy to separate when you simply play house. At one point I had contemplated if getting married was even the right choice for me and my life because I really had questioned the idea of monogamy but now my feelings have changed.
At one time in my life I wanted the big penthouse. To live in the city and have an exciting fast paced job and now I'm beginning to want to give up the penthouse for playpens. However, I haven't been preparing for that life. I have spent a lot of time in my twenties being a completely selfish. Dating random men who I knew wouldn't be the one, living on my own and collecting my memories, going out on Tuesday nights and not taking life very seriously.
Now here I am, still wanting to finish school and start a career and begin a family with this man. I finally found someone worth settling down for and here I feel like I'm not worth settling down with. I should have figured that one day my clock might start ticking and I should have been more prepared. Goals change as you change and I realize that sometimes there is no timeline but your own. I have never been more scared and yet more motivated to begin a new part of my life.
So I'm throwing this out into the Universe. I have finally met prince charming, now please provide me with employment or I'm ONLY going to be able to afford the picket fence!
Alright done venting for now! Back to packing!
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