Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

I am embarrased to say that I succumb to all types of pressure and pressure of not using the internet won and I did not embark on my seven day challenge. The reality of it is that I do want to use the internet on a daily basis and that is just who I am and who I will remain to be. So perhaps one day I will just do it, but until then, my Mac remains to be my only companion.

Spring is here. The sun is shining. It is going to be close to eighty the next few days and I find an extra spring in my step even though my life is still a bit chaotic, but I'm working on that. Today is my last day of work, tomorrow my last day of class for a few days and I am going to spend the weekend catching up on life and pulling together the pieces of my life.

The tool box detox did not work. I of course took him back and then I of course went back to rehab Monday. This time I need to find the strength in my irritation. He was seeing someone else. I know it, he won't admit it and I cannot take someone lying to my face about it. I have been there and done that and I knew how this would end all along so perhaps my lack of heartbreak stems from the instinct I had from the moment I met him. Perhaps this is what Marianne was trying to tell me when she said I will be able to recognize situations and know what to do before they go to far. I still think I let this one get to far, in the sense that I did start to develop feelings which is apparent in my internal struggle with checking my phone every five minutes to see if he will text. I know that he won't because I told him I did not ever want to speak to him again. I told him his prescense in my life was no longer accepted and that I have moved onto bigger rocks (he actually refered to himself as a stepping stone for better mates). So for the time being I am going to take everyone's advice that I have so blatenly been ignoring and I am going to try to see what this "alone" thing is all about and I'm going to stop looking. I am going to ignore what my heart feels for the sm, for the hot MMA fighter I met this weekend and the tool box and just be me for a while. I am going to find solitude in an empty bed and peace in this quiet apartment and I am going to figure out what I want in this life and a partner.

On a great and unrelated note, I am working on a research project. I may have discovered Cholera in Haitian tap water! For a student scientist like myself, this is very exciting! Well I am going to eat some lunch and head into work! So excited today is like a Friday!